Word of the Day: Frisson

I was just thinking today about why I’m so sure this is the man for me. I don’t really believe that there’s only one person for each of us. That’s a very narrow view, especially if you lose your partner or spouse to death. There might be one for some, but I can’t say for sure that’s for me. What I do know is that I am sure this is the man I want to marry, the man I want to have children with, and the man I want to grow old with. I will be a very lucky woman if I get all 3 of those, but I would settle for the last two. Bryce is more that I had hoped for and is giving me an amazing life full of love and the future. Sure, he’s annoying as fuck sometimes. I probably (definitely) am too, but he would never say that. He never says anything bad about me. And when I say I’m annoying, it’s more like I’m a miserable bitch. But I’m also quite logical and reasonable so I know when I’m doing it and try to check myself. He tries to make me happy again.

We’ve had conversations about marriage. I told him early on that although it’s not a deal-breaker for me, I would prefer to get married. In recent years, I’ve been on the fence about marriage. If I met someone who wanted to, definitely. If I met someone who didn’t want to, that was ok too. But then I met Bryce and I know I want to marry him. I have told him that if he doesn’t want to, or doesn’t want to right away, I need to know that so I can stop pinning things on Pinterest, stop following Instagram hashtags about wedding dresses, and generally stop daydreaming about what it would be like and laughing at the images of all my friends ugly-crying. So far he hasn’t said no for sure, but I still don’t have a ring.

One night we were making jokes about when we have kids. He’s been talking about us having kids since before we said I love you. The next day I was talking to a friend about it and how I would like to get married first, before we have kids. Not for any traditional reason. Mine was purely selfish. I wanted more time together without kids, and I wanted to have a wedding that was all about me, one where I didn’t have to worry about who was looking after the kid/s, what they were doing, who was watching them while we honeymooned, etc. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how old the eggs are getting. I am currently 37. I don’t want a quickie wedding, I want to plan one and have all my friends and family there. So by the time we get engaged, plan the wedding, have the wedding, I would be going on 39 before we even think of starting our family. And I’ve never had a pregnancy scare, who knows if I can even have kids, right? So then I’m 38/39 trying to have a baby, and if that doesn’t work, fertility treatments, adoption, etc. Both of which can be time-consuming and expensive.

That night I went home and said, Should we be serious about trying to start a family right now? He said Yep. Twist his rubber arm, right? This was sometime in mid to late March. I went off birth control right away and downloaded an app to track my period and ovulation. I was on a medication for my rheumatoid arthritis that is known to cause birth defects so I made an appointment to speak with my rheumatologist about it. I also made an appointment with my family doctor to get his advice. I had to take a double dose of medication used to treat high cholesterol for a week or so to flush the arthritis drug out of my body. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t as bad as it is for some people. Once that was done, then I had to get a blood test. The results in this can take some time as the blood has to be sent to the provincial lab to analyze. Once that was finished, my rheumatologist called to give me the go-ahead. In the meantime, I spoke with my family doctor, and he was soo excited at the prospect of me trying to have a baby! He told me to try for 6 months because of my age, and if I wasn’t pregnant by then, to come back and he would refer me to an obgyn to look at our options.

So, my period came in March as expected, and again in April. But it didn’t show up in May. I took a pregnancy test. I took 3 pregnancy tests in the days after my missed period. All negative. My period used to be very irregular when I was younger, and I had just gone off birth control. I wasn’t too worried yet and figured I would give it some time. But then I realized I missed my period in June too. So I took a test. I took 5 tests. They were all positive!!!!! Guys, I’m Pregnant! Holy shit.

4 thoughts on “Word of the Day: Frisson

  1. Amy I’m so friggin excited, happy and basically over the moon about you and Bryce!! Baby makes 3!!
    I love you 😘 so much.

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