I had half forgotten about my request for information on my birth record. The non-identifying information is sent out fairly quickly with a letter saying the birth record is handled by Post Adoption Services. And that took longer to arrive.
You know, I always get a little kick out of people’s reactions when they find out I’m adopted. It’s almost always the same. Either “me too!” or “I didn’t know you were adopted.” Well duh. How could you have possibly known? You mean you didn’t notice the ‘adopted’ look about me? (It’s not like I just revealed that I’m missing my left arm and you’re surprised you didn’t know that.) Are you sure I didn’t casually slip it into conversation somewhere along the lines? “Hey Amy, how was your weekend at the farm?” “Oh, it was really good! I drove my adopted ass out there after work and then spent the whole time with my adopted family who adopted me when I was a baby. I’m adopted.” I suppose that although it’s normal to me, it’s interesting/awkward for other people because they don’t know how to react to that information. And just like any other situation in life, it’s ok to ask questions. If a person reveals something about themselves, they probably don’t mind talking about it. But if they do seem uncomfortable, then stop asking questions.
So, I get this letter. I wasn’t sure what it was when I opened it. It had been several months since my initial request, so I wasn’t really considering what it could have been when I opened it. It was my record of birth. With my birth mother’s name, her date of birth, and where she was born. I couldn’t believe I had this information now. I was a little shaky and sat down to consider this information. I’d always been interested in learning more about her and meeting her “someday”, and now I have the piece I need to find her. But, it also means that now I have the piece of information I need to find her and someday could be now. I knew from previous records that at the time of my birth, she did not have any desire to have contact with me in the future. But I feel like she already got to make enough decisions about our lives and this one is mine to make.
I did some quick online searches. Social media was a bust, but google did lead me to an obituary of the woman I believe to be my birth mother’s mother. The family members listed match my birth mother’s name, and the number of and genders of siblings I know her to have. Side note: I’d love to shorten birth mother, but I can’t start calling her my bm, right? No. How about bmo? That’s what I’ll use. Anyways, so I know her mother and father have both passed. And I know the names of her brother and sisters and their spouses and children. My bmo did not have any children listed. I searched her siblings names as well and not much came up. A couple of leads I could follow. But, I want to be very respectful here. Her family may still have no idea, and I don’t want to be the one to “out” her secret. So at this point, I won’t be using her name, I won’t be contacting her family and revealing who I am, and you won’t see me holding up a sign on a FB post asking for help. I told my mom everything I found out so far and I know she is dying to know everything and to meet this woman and thank her and cry about it because I’m so damn awesome and made all her baby dreams come true. She has a very sweet story about her and my dad driving to Saskatoon the night before picking me up. Just before the city, there is a phone tower or something and there is a flashing red light at the top. And when my mom saw it that night, she knew her baby was close. She somehow keeps it together and lets me go on this journey in my own time.
I know people who have found their birth parents. And I know birth parents who have found the children they gave up for adoption. Every journey is different, and there are challenges. There was no information listed about my birth father on the record of birth, but post adoption does give you an option to indicate if you are interested in performing a search for him as well. I don’t know how they plan on doing that. I assume they’ll have to try to make contact with my bmo and go from there. I’m not sure what will come of that. I think I have a plan of how I am going to contact my bmo, but I’m not quite ready to execute said plan yet. I am gathering my courage.I mean, I’m not looking for another family, I don’t need another mother all up in my business, I just want to know her story. I’m not putting a lot of expectations on it. That being said, I’m not sure how I’m going to react if she just flat out rejects any meaningful contact at all. Even typing this out makes me a little emotional. It’s hard to explain how I feel about this. If I never go any further than I have right now, I will be fine. I will wonder every now and again, but it will not affect my life in any way. But if I keep going, whatever the outcome, it will leave a mark on my heart forever.