As you know, I am a part of the online dating world. I haven’t been too active with it over the last 6 months or so, but I recently created a new POF profile, as well as started swiping on Tinder again. (If you don’t already, you can check out my screenshot adventures on my Instagram @soupsworld) I decided I should be having more sex because only having sex with one guy since September that I’m not even dating wasn’t doing it for me. This lead to me swiping right on The Soft Launch. TSL had a shirtless torso picture as his main picture. And his secondary picture. Not normally someone I would consider, but I was looking to get laid. He messaged me after we matched and I found out he didn’t have a face picture because he was trying to be discrete. Because of his girlfriend, who would not be involved in knowing about his extracurricular activities. I asked him why he was looking for something more on the side and he said he has a much higher sex drive and that he only gets to see her about 3 times a week because she lives out of town. Slight eyeroll, but whatever. I reserve my judgement on this one, especially since I’m about to be a willing participant.
We texted for about a week and a half or so and he seemed like a nice enough guy. The sexting was decent, he was really excited to meet. Our schedules finally lined up and I invited him over. I was initially going to meet him for coffee first, but meh. By this point, I felt good enough inviting him over.
So he shows up, and I’m immediately a little turned off by his energy. He’s sort of nervous and I don’t really like his voice and he’s just not someone I would spend real time with. But quality time wasn’t really what I was meeting him for, so let’s get naked. I was already in lingerie, so I was mostly there anyways. He kissed me. Not bad. We made out for a bit before laying down on the bed. Once we got there, he went to work with him mouth and hands all over my body. The handwork was great! The mouth work, well let’s just say I’m still waiting for my own personal tongue of ecstasy J When I was ready to return the favour, he wasn’t even hard yet. No problem, I can help with that. And help I did. My mouth work is usually pretty on point. When he couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to fuck, he put on the condom and we got to it. He didn’t last too long before he went soft. It happens. We took a little break and then I went down on him some more and we tried sex again. Except now, my original turn off at meeting him had snowballed and I was quickly becoming less of a rainforest and more of desert. Especially when he once again couldn’t stay hard. He made some excuses about going to the gym before he got there, blah blah. Now, to be clear, I don’t fault him for not staying hard. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the gym. Maybe it was his conscience. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was just biology and it just fucking happens sometimes. I don’t know. But what I do know is that he talked himself up the whole week and made it clear how high his sex drive was, and considering he was only 34, I was expecting a little bit more.
After he realized we weren’t going to be able to have sex, he asked if I would consider sucking him off. That’s a hard no. hahahahaha So he got dressed and talked the whole time and commented how I didn’t have air conditioning and he was soo hot and sweaty. I do, but I didn’t have it on because it wasn’t that hot out, and frankly, if I’m not hot, no one else should be. My temperature runs high. Plus, the guy who came over two nights before didn’t complain 😉 He did not kiss me goodbye. And he did not text me again and I did not message him.
I was fine with it ending that way. But a few days later, I got a Snapchat notification that he had added me. I added him back and he immediately sent me a message asking if I had randomly added him. Uh, no. He said a few more things and I realized he didn’t even know who he added. He even asked me how old I was and when I told him and asked why, he said he wanted to make sure I wasn’t 14 or something because that would be weird, “especially what he uses the app for”. Ok, creep. I still didn’t tell him who I was. Even after he said my name showed up as Amy Campbell and he doesn’t know anyone by that name. Granted, he doesn’t know my last name, but his dick was JUST inside of me a couple of days before. Surely he could put that together. Unless he erased the embarrassment from his memory with some sort of men in black device. That’s probably it. I felt like maybe he figured it soon after because then he was no longer my friend. But then he re-added me. So I don’t know if he remembered or if he was still really curious about who I was. I didn’t care, I blocked him. And that was The Soft Launch.