Dumbass Roommate: Part 3

Ok, so I give him notice and I tell him that if he wants to keep any of the stuff I’m using, he’s welcome to it. I am moving into a small apartment and need to get of so much stuff, so he’d be doing me a favour by taking it anyways. I do this in a text. No response. The only time he responds to me is when I ask him a direct question. I tell him that he needs to clean his room because the landlord will want to show it to prospective tenants. And I make a point to tell him he should air his bedroom out and make sure it smells ok. Even with the door closed, it had a rather…pungent odour. If I were to tell you it smelled like teenage boy, would you know what I meant? If not, read this:

This fresh, woody fragrance is effervescent with dark, musky notes of body odour, feet, stale beer, and semen. A fragrance of contrasts, it is a unique, aromatic combination.

Imagine testing that out in Sephora. Or getting in a 3-wick at Bath and Body Works. Maybe it could be the latest fragrance from Viktor & Rolph. Spicebomb Junior.

Try not smelling that now. You can’t. Once smelled, it cannot be unsmelled. Even in your imagination.

He did tidy up. The smell was less pronounced once he aired the room out and covered it with some air freshener.

I purge a lot of my stuff, sell a lot, and still I haven’t heard from him about the things I let him use. So I have to ask again. He says no, he won’t be needing to take anything with him. Ok. This kid who moved in with almost nothing besides his clothes a tv doesn’t need any furniture. Sure. I tell him to clean everything up then and take it out of his room so I can try and sell it. He moves the shelves out, but is still using the bed. Which is fine. Until the day comes when I have someone coming to take a couple loads of garbage to the dump. He hasn’t moved the bed out yet so I go into his room to pull the mattress out and put it in the yard. I lift it up off the floor (remember, he put the box spring back in the garage shortly after moving in and had the mattress directly on the floor) and there’s a wet spot. I should have taken a picture of this, but I was so perplexed, i didn’t even think about it. Where did this wet spot come from? It had obviously been there awhile because the sheet on the mattress wasn’t wet. But underneath the mattress was. And when I looked at the bottom of the mattress, there were a bunch of holes in it. 15-20 small holes that I assume had been eaten through by mould. WTF happened? Did he spill a glass of water? Did he spill beer? Did he piss the bed? I don’t know. But it was weird. He obvious spilled something and then didn’t clean it up and just kept sleeping on it. Probably for weeks. The worst part was that the guy I had hauling the garbage away probably wondered wtf was wrong with me after seeing that mattress with the holes. Oh, and I had lent him some bedding when he moved in because he didn’t even come with a blanket. I don’t know what happened to the blankets, but I saw them in the garbage. I guess if they were anything like the mattress, the garbage is exactly where they belong instead of turning me into Regina’s very own Outbreak monkey. 

On the day that I was cleaning the house, he was a big help. Seriously. I wasn’t expecting him to do much more than clean his bedroom, but he spent the whole day cleaning with me. I had talked to the landlord and we were going to wait until the next week to do the walk through because they were really busy and I didn’t mind waiting. So I go to leave and my roommate asks me about the damage deposit. The entire year and a half we lived together, he had zero common sense, knew nothing about living on his own or with other people, but he knew that he had a damage deposit coming back to him. I told him it would probably be the next week. I felt a little bad because it was the long weekend coming up and he could probably use the money since he had no job. But that wasn’t my problem. All the times this kid made me wait for rent money, he could wait an extra week.

When I got my damage deposit back, I texted him and said I would e-transfer it to him. He asked if I could meet him somewhere and give him cash. He was overdrawn on his account and he was trying to move to Winnipeg and could use all the money he could get. Fair enough, we’ve all been there. So I tell him to meet me at the Cornwall downtown at 2pm the next day. That works for him. I get there early, do a bit of shopping and at 155 I text him to tell him I’m by the escalators. 10 minutes later, I text him to ask if he’s in the mall and will be there soon because I have to leave in 10 minutes for work. No response. I hang out for another 15 minutes and then I leave to go to work. At 240, he texts me saying he was helping his grandma with something and waiting out the rain and was on his way. I shouldn’t be surprised that he thought I’d still be waiting around around for him. I told him I’d already left, so he said ok, just transfer the money then. So I did. The next day he texts me and gives me his email address to transfer the deposit to. I say I sent it yesterday to his phone number and ask if he got the text notification about it. He informs me that his phone was cut off so he can only use iChat when he’s on wifi. So I have to cancel the transfer and resend it. And that’s the last contact I’ve had with him. Hopefully he made it to Winnipeg. Obviously all the stories are the funny/weird/gross/dumbass ones, but he is also a nice guy. He was always good about pet sitting when I was away and doing the things I asked him to do, like shovel snow, or clean something up, and he didn’t smoke crack or steal my stufd. So I wish him the best. And now I am living in a small apartment with zero human roommates, life is good, and I am naked all of the time!

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