Jamaica, 2014

I can’t believe this never got published! My apologies. It’s actually good that I discovered it now because my current sex life is not that exciting. Well, there are some juicy bits about it, but I can’t share them yet. So here’s Jamaica instead! Oh, and if you’d like to read about the pilot I met in Jamaica, that one was written awhile and you can read it here.

I recently went to Jamaica for a wedding. I was a sexual force of nature! Seriously, I don’t know what it was this time, but I was on fire! My confidence grows with every passing year, and the older I get, the more comfortable I get with my sexuality, my body, and giving zero fucks about what other people think. I do what I want. I own the things I do. I do not regret them because I do not use sex to feel loved. During my week in Jamaica, I had various forms of sex in a men’s bathroom stall, an employee hallway, a regular hallway, a suite, and the disco. All of it was hot and primal.

Everytime I stepped outside our suite, my musk was calling to them. After a couple of days, my friend declared, “I might as well be invisible when I’m walking around with you!” At earlier points in my life, I probably would have been uncomfortable with all the attention, but it was certainly not uncomfortable for me to be eye-fucked every time I passed a man last week. Instead, it was a real ego boost.

Some examples of things that were said to me:

“Are you having a good time? Would you like to have a better time?”
“I want to have your lips tattooed on my body” (I asked if I could put them anywhere. The answer was yes)
“I’ll put a baby in you ;)”
After Lindsey told one bartender I was a virgin (stop laughing), he said “I will eat the virgin right out of you!”

My friend also stated, “When a Jamaican man finds you attractive, you know it right away.” I thought about this for a second and replied, “True, but thinking back on how some of the conversations with these men have started, it might not always be them. We definitely instigate some of it. And by “we”, I mean me.” Examples:
We get into a resort “cab” (Our resort was huge so they would drive you around on carts). The driver (Peach) starts going, but doesn’t ask where we’re going.
Me: Where are you taking us?
Peach: Where do you want to go?
Me: Where do you live?
Peach: *Looks back at us, gives me the up and down, smiles* Sure, I’ll take you back to my house!

We’re out for our last supper in Jamaica. I order the fried snapper. It’s a whole fish fried, and it has a face. I ate up to the head. Our server comes to clear our plates.
Server: You know, in Jamaica, the head is the best part.
Me: Well, I do love some good head.
Server: What did you say?!
Me: I’m full.
Server: You girls are trouble!

It’s the wedding reception and our bartender, Nathan, makes a non-alcoholic beverage for the kids and the pregnant woman. It’s pretty good and we all order one. He’s being pretty quiet and respectful. It is a wedding after all.
Other guests: What’s this drink called?
Nathan: It doesn’t have a name.
Me: I’m going to call it the “Juicy Nate”!
Me: I want one with alcohol!
Nathan: Oh, you mean you want the “Bad Boy Nathan!”
Me: hahahaha Yes.
Nathan later made me a paper flower and a new drink which he informed me through a whisper was his “Pimp Juice”. If that was his pimp juice, I don’t know what you’d call what I had in my mouth a few days later!

Speaking of pimp juice, Jamaica taught me that the rumour about pineapple juice is true.

The men in Jamaica are very territorial and get jealous easily. I’ve watched them literally chase each other away from the woman they desire. One of my “boyfriends” worked in the Sportsbar. He was the one who wanted to eat the virgin right out of me. He also invited me to meet his mother and go to church with them and wondered what my parents would think if I brought a black man home to meet them. I said I imagined they’d be ecstatic if I brought anyone home if he promised to get me pregnant. His name was Gregory and he had zero idea about personal space. I was very hot in the sportsbar when you weren’t in front of a fan, but luckily I had Gregory to come around the bar to where I was sitting on my stool and dab at my forehead with a napkin. One of the nights I was in the disco, I was talking to a guy I had never seen before. We chatted for quite awhile at the end of the night, but that was all that happened. The next day, Gregory was super cold to me so I asked him what was up. He was upset because the bartenders talk and he thought I had hooked up with this other guy. I told him it wasn’t any of his business what I did or with who, but that fyi, I did not hook up with this other guy. I kept the other two bartenders from previous nights to myself though. I’m not an idiot. I still wanted a drink waiting for me whenever I walked into the bar. Sadly for Gregory, our love was not meant to be. Maybe in another time, in another life, in another reality where I didn’t nail all his coworkers.