For the past few months, I have been getting requests for the pleasure of my company from several men from my past. If I were a hooker, I’d have a decent sized group of regulars. These are a few of the more interesting ones. The 20 year old kid messaged me this summer, asking me for a favour. You’re probably thinking you know exactly what kind of “favour” he’d be looking for, but you’re wrong. Sort of. He asked me if I knew of anyone I could set him up with.

“Amy I have a question”
“Hey kid, what is it?” (I don’t actually call him kid, but I won’t use his name.)
“Do u know any older women who would be interested in me? I have been trying so hard, but can’t find an older woman who likes. They think cuz of my age I’m automatically immature.”
“Interesting in you in what way? Are you wanting to date someone or just fool around? And how old are you looking for? My age or 40’s or…?”
“Just fool around. Anyone over 28.”
“Hmm I’m not sure. Most of my girlfriends are looking for relationships.”
“I’m open for a relationship, I just don’t see an older woman wanting to date a 21 year old.”
“I’ll keep an eye open for you.”
“Because ur no longer interested in me, correct?”

And there it is! He needed to check and see if there’s still a chance. I told him that I’m not interested in fooling around anymore, even though he’s cute and a good lay. What I didn’t tell him was that even if I had any friends who were interested in meeting a guy that young, I’m not sure any of them would be into the same things he is, sexually speaking. I mean, this is the same kid who wanted me to pee on him every single time we talked. He also wanted to throat fuck me until I puked and put a dildo up his ass. By all means, if you are a female over the age of 28 and into some kinky shit (which may include actual shit), let me know and I’ll hook you up.

Then there’s the Farmer. Every few months I get a message from him. Sometimes it’s to ask how I’m doing and what’s new. And sometimes it’s to ask me if I want to have a threesome. If I’m not into having another girl there, he has a buddy. The one who saw me naked when I spent the night in their hotel room. Or we have a conversation like this:

“Find a girlfriend yet? Lol”
“lol Not looking for one.”
“You should! You would like it!”
“lol Why not?”
“Not interested”
“Have you tried it?”
“No, and I’m not going to.”
“lol Well that’s no fun!”
“Men are pretty fun. You should try them.”
“No, I’m good.”
Man, I bet his ex-wife is really beating herself up about letting this one get away.

Speaking of married men. Remember this guy? I haven’t seen or spoken to him for over 3 years, until he sent me a message on Pof about a month ago. He didn’t have a picture up, but after reading his profile, I was pretty sure I knew who it was. Our exchange went something like:

“Hi, I don’t know if you remember me, but we met awhile ago, and I was wondering if you’d like to meet again.”
“Hmm, you’ll have to tell me a bit about yourself first to see if I remember you.”
“I’m from Saskatoon, we met up a couple of times and had some fun.”
“You’ll have to be more specific.” hahaha
“I guess I’m not that memorable.”
“Were you married?” (His profile now says separated.)
“Ok, I remember you.”
“Great! So would you want to meet up again? I would love to see you, I had a great time the last time.”
“No thanks. I’m not looking for anything casual.”
“Oh, ok. Well, if you change your mind…”
“Good luck.”

A week later, he messaged me again, and once again asked if I’d like to have some “fun” with him. I don’t know about you, but nowhere in my idea of fun is there included a dirty eyebrow wiggle that happens while a man is thrusting his dick inside me. Just imagine it for a moment. A guy looking down at you, obviously pretty please with himself, and wiggles his eyebrow at you. Like he’s giving you just what you want. It’s the sexual equivalent to the wink and a gun. Not sexy.

Ugh, why does my vagina have to be so magical?

And now there’s Houdini. I was sure I wrote about him previously, but I couldn’t find the post, so maybe I just thought about writing about him. We met on Pof and went on a date a couple of years ago. It was a great date! Seriously, I think we spent 6-7 hours together. We met at a pub in Cathedral for a couple of drinks and a bit to eat. Coincidentally, he took a “cab” to the pub because he didn’t want to drive after having some drinks and who was his cab driver? This guy! When he came into meet me, he was telling me about this guy who drove him and he just calls him whenever he needs a ride and this guy shows up and takes however much he wants to pay. I had used this guy years before that and turned out to be the same guy. And then of course there was that time more recently that I re-met this guy and, well, we know how that turned out. Anyways, back to our date. We got along very well, we found a lot to talk about. He’s handsome in a Sons of Anarchy kind of way, works in construction. I believe he had his own company at the time, had lived a crazy life. The kind of life where you’re not sure how someone turned out as well as they did. He left home/was kicked out when he was 14 or so. I don’t think he ever finished school, he just started working and travelling across Canada, picking up jobs as he went. So after the first pub, we went to another. It was pretty dead so we just had a drink or two and talked some more and then decided since neither of us wanted the night to end yet, we would go back to his place to watch a movie. I had just moved and didn’t even have furniture at my new place yet, so it had to be his house. I can’t even remember what movie we settled on, but I know it was bad. It had a lot of gratuitous female nudity and some animals that killed everyone after genetic mutation or something. A story as old as time. We did make out a bit, but I wouldn’t go any further with him. I called a cab to go home and he said he was hungry again and wanted to grab some food, so did I mind if he shared a ride with me part of the way. No problem. So here’s where it gets weird. We were in the north end, I live close to downtown. He gave me some money for the cab, and when we got to the lights on McCarthy and 9th, he said this is close enough for him, jumped out of the cab, and ran over to the Normanview Mall.

I literally never heard from him again. After I didn’t hear from him the next day, I texted him. No response. Maybe he didn’t get it. So I messaged him on Pof. No response, and a couple of days after that, his profile was gone. Uh, ok? That was weird.

Then a few weeks ago, I get a message from him on Pof. He’s back in Regina. He said hi and said he didn’t know if I remembered him, but we went out awhile ago and he’d love to go out with me again. I said that I did remember him, and that I remembered him disappearing and never hearing from him again. He apologized for that, said something about getting a last minute job up north that he left for right away, blah blah blah. I guess he must have forgot his phone when he left? But hey, I’m all about second chances, so I kept chatting with him. He apologized again and asked if I would like to go out with him. I said I was open to that and then gave him my number to contact me sometime. Three weeks went by. Three fucking weeks! And nothing. I mean, I shouldn’t be that surprised. It took this guy 2 years after our first date to ask for a second, so I guess waiting a few weeks for a text should be no big deal, right? I didn’t contact him again, but then just last night, he messaged me again.

“Just wanted to say hi, hope you’re doing well. I like the new pics, beautiful as always, Happy Halloween.”
“Hi, thanks.”
“I work a lot, but I’d like to see you sometime if you like.”
“I sent you my number, but you never used it…”
“No excuses there. I took too long and Pof deleted it. So if you’d like, here’s my number.”

I did end up texting him and we chatted for awhile. He wants to go out sometime this week. I’m considering it. Cause I’m all about third chances. Maybe I’ll make a date and then just…disappear.

UPDATE: We had plans to go out. I didn’t hear from him the day before our date was scheduled. I didn’t hear from him on the day our date was scheduled. I texted him the day before, but there was no response. The day AFTER our date was supposed to be, I received a text from him. He apologized for not being available and said he worked 18 hours that day. But that he’d still like to get together sometime soon. I said maybe if I had time on the weekend. I haven’t heard from him since, and I don’t care.


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