Sam. And Calm Your Tits.

Ok, I wasn’t going to write about Sam right away, but given the feedback I’ve gotten about my last post, I think I should, just so you know that I do actually talk to/date nice men too. Before I begin Sam’s story though, let me address and maybe alleviate some of your concerns.
This blog will take whatever direction I choose. I haven’t written about weight loss in awhile because there hasn’t really been any. When I feel comfortable writing about that again, I will. My dating stories are a part of my life that I do like writing about. Admittedly, sometimes I do go along with the experience because it makes for a better story. I write for myself, but I also write for my readers, and I feel it’s important to be as honest as I can while still keeping some things just for me. And that is why I tell the sad stories and the frustrating stories, as well as the funny and uplifting. I stated in the beginning of my last post that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to share it because I was slightly embarrassed about how long I kept in contact with him. I could have easily kept the story of the doctor to myself, or edited it to make myself look more empowered and like I live a “take no bullshit” kind of life. But that’s a lie. I mean, I do try to do that most of the time, but I don’t always succeed. I make mistakes, I make poor decisions. But they’re my mistakes and my decisions. Not every man I meet is a contender for the same thing. If you aren’t single in the age of internet dating and disposable relationships, consider yourself lucky.

You don’t have to understand my journey, and I don’t have to define what I’m looking for as an absolute at all times. I’ve invited you along for the ride, and it’s not always going to be smooth. But I promise that it will always pull an emotion out of you. If I can elicit a response, whether it be a laugh, admiration, concern, anger, sadness, whatever, then I feel good about writing about it. Please keep reading and discussing 🙂

Now, let’s talk about Sam. My memories of meeting him are foggy at best. It was a Thursday night and I had consumed a cocktail or two and was at a club I had not been to before. He recognized me from Pof and with encouragement from my friend, came over to talk to me. I don’t know what we talked about, but I gave him my card to call me sometime lol He called me that night, and texted me. (There was another number on my phone when I woke up the next morning that I didn’t recognize. It turns out my friend gave my number to a different guy. She thinks she’s really funny.) I responded to his texts the next day and had him send me a picture since I couldn’t remember what he looked like. He’s pretty good looking. I agreed to go out with him, based on my friend telling me about her conversation with him and how nice he seemed.

Sam is 30, tall, handsome, ambitious, educated, straightforward, sweet, and kind of funny. He is originally from South Africa, but has been in Canada for 5 or 6 years now. He has a brother in the country as well, and the rest of his family currently lives in the UK. He is finishing his masters in finance and already has a job in his chosen field, as well as a parttime job doing sound and lighting at events around the city. He has big plans for his career, as well as having a family. Oh, I almost forgot the most important/impressive thing about him. He has not once, not ever, sent me a picture of his dick! After being in current dating world as long as I have, it takes so little to impress me! He wants to know what I think about things, we have real conversations. Although, I think he’s still trying to figure me out. I’m a little quiet on a first date, and I think some of my answers to his questions threw him off a bit. But it seems to be intriguing to him. He can’t figure me out so he wants to know more. I’m unintentionally mysterious.

We have gone out twice now. Once just for a drive around the city, and once out for supper and a drive around the park. He paid for supper, big points! Somehow, both these instances ended up with us at his place. Funny how that works. I enjoy making out with him. He’s a good kisser. He’s very affectionate and complimentary. It’s nice. And yet, the second time we made out, he told me how much he likes me and how I’m his dream woman and even though it’s too soon, he already knows he wants to pursue a relationship with me. And all I could think was, “but there’s still other men I want to have sex with!” Now, I don’t need advice on this, so please refrain. What I am doing now is trying to figure out if this is just cold feet at the thought of actually being a relationship with someone, or if I’m just not feeling it. I don’t have butterflies when I think about him or I see him. I’m not excited about the next time I get to see him. I am not fantasizing about him. A whole day went by where we didn’t text and it didn’t even occur to me until I went to bed that I hadn’t talked to him all day (he did text after I’d gone to bed and he had been at his second job). But, I don’t dread the thought of seeing him again. I’m just sort of…ambivalent about it right now. So I’m going to see him again. Probably this weekend. Both times we’ve made out, I did go home wet, so I think at the very least, it’s worth pursuing that physical attraction, right?! 

The Doctor

Well, here’s another example of the kind of men I get to meet through online dating. The doctor was young, handsome, ambitious, owned his own home (with a pool!), and generally had his shit together. On paper, he was pretty great. In reality, the more I talked to him, the more magic he lost. I’m almost embarrassed with how long I kept talking to him. But I’m going to relay some of our conversations anyways. My life is nothing if not full of potential dating embarrassment.

A: Hi ****
D: Hey! Amy?
A: The one and only
D: My future gf?
A: Correct
D: I see you’re tall as well that’s awesome 🙂
A: As are you! I like tall men

And our conversation continued on like that for awhile. Flirty, getting to know each other.

D: When can I take you out? Do you want marriage and family?
A: I don’t want them on a first date, but yes I do lol
How is your Friday looking?

D: Spending time with you! And falling in love with you
A: Hahaha It’s true, I’m quite easy to fall in love with

More flirting, questions about family, backgrounds, etc. Then:

D: Ya I haven’t had sex in a year and a half
A: Really?! How come?
D: I don’t do hookups
A: Fair enough
D: I’m hung though
A: Hahahahahaha Thanks for throwing that in there
D: *SENDS DICK PIC* Handle that?
A: Omg, are we at dick pics already?
D: I’ll leave you alone
A: Why? I’m not offended by it, but it was a little early to send it, especially without any warning. An right after you tell me you don’t do hookups
D: Good luck I feel bad now. I’d think it’s best if we stop talking. I need someone who’s open. I’m sorry
A: Lol I sell sex toys as a part time job and write a blog sharing my dating and sexual experiences. I’m open.
D: So you won’t even give me a chance?
A: You just said you didn’t want to keep talking to me…
D: I do if you do if we date you’ll blog about our sex life?
A: Haha Not necessarily, unless it’s to brag
D: Haha ok. How many partners have you had?
A: I’m not going to answer that one. Do you usually establish the gf/bf status before you have sex?
D: Yes. I Don’t do hook ups.

So, to recap, normal conversation, dick pic, he thinks I need to be more “open” to receiving pictures of a stranger’s dick, even though he doesn’t do hookups, then we keep talking. This was in the afternoon on a Monday. We end our conversation and pick it back up in the evening. We enter the conversation after he’s asked me for a naked picture, or at least topless, and I say no. When he says it’s not fair because I’ve already seen him naked, I tell him that wasn’t my choice to see that. He was a little offended by that lol Because he’s allowed to be offended when he sends me a picture of his dick and I don’t fall to my knees thanking the heavens for sending this man into my life!

D: Ps not impressed. I need a woman who’s all over me
A: You expect an awful lot from a first conversation with someone who hasn’t even met you yet. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable not to want to send you nude pictures of myself yet
D: When can I meet you?
A: I’m off tomorrow, I work Wednesday and Thursday nights, and I’m off Friday.
D: Friday works. Skinny dipping?
A: Lol Lets start with drinks or supper and see where the night takes us. That pool does look very inviting though
D: Good lord you’re impossible I’m used to woman being all over me
A: That’s not me. I think you’re really good looking and I like what you’ve told me about yourself, but I’m not going to throw myself at you.
D: K. Good luck Amy
A: Is that a goodbye?
D: Yup
A: Ok, take care.
D: You too. If you want me you have my number
A: I never said I didn’t want you.
D: Hm
A: Just because I don’t behave the way you’re used to doesn’t mean I don’t want you. From what you’ve said so far, I get the feeling I am very different from the women you’re used to. I won’t apologize for being who I am, and I won’t do anything I don’t want to do. If I’m not for you, I’m not for you.
D: I’m just used to woman being all over me
A: Because you’re a handsome doctor?
D: Apparently that doesn’t matter
A: To everyone? Or to me?
D: You
A: Is that all you are? I think you have substance beyond that, but it’s contradictory to tell me you’re not interested in hookups, but then treat me like that’s all you’re interested in. I’m trying to get to know you (since you’re not going to sleep with me anyways u less we’re dating) and you’re pouting because I won’t show you my tits.
Or Is that the kind of woman you’re looking for? One who doesn’t care who you are, as long as you’re a hot Dr?
D: Hmmm 😦
A: I am blatantly telling you I’m interested. I don’t know what more you want. I want to go out with you on Friday. Are you in or out?
D: In

I know, you’re probably wondering why I even bothered continuing this conversation. I didn’t include the stuff where he told me about his family and where he’s from and his little jokes. The things that made me like him. Trust me, beyond all the bullshit, he actually had some charm. Plus, after this conversation, he called me to apologize for being a dick and that earned him some points. And he apologized again once we hung up.

D: I sincerely want to thank you, for calling me on my asshole attitude. It’s time my wall comes down not every woman is out to hurt or use me. Sex will be amazing I understand though it’s only a part of love. 🙂
A: Lol you’re welcome. If there’s one thing you can count on with me, it’s to call you on your bullshit and keep you grounded.
And no, I’m not out to hurt or use you or anyone.

We chatted throughout the week, but every day was the same thing. We would have normal conversation, and then he would take it just a little too far. And then get pissed because I didn’t react the way he wanted me to or expected me to. Every day was a day he apologized to me after I told him off. The next day, I woke up with the WORST pain in my neck and shoulders. I must have slept funny and maybe pinched a nerve or something. I went back to bed, and by the time I woke up again around lunch, I had a fever, I was nauseous, and I had the chills. I felt terrible. I chatted with the doctor for a bit when I first woke up and he was nice at the time. Asked if I needed anything, etc. Then, he texts me in the afternoon. I respond back with a hello and how tired I still am, and he calls me. He calls me while he’s jerking off! He asks me to help him and join him. I laugh and say no, and the little fucker hangs up on me! And then texts me.

D: delete me
A: I told you not to treat me like a hookup. I tell you I’m in pain today and not feeling good and your reaction is to call me while you’re jerking off? Yes, I will delete you. You’re not the guy you say you are.
D: Yes I am. I just expect a woman to give me what I want. That’s why you’re single
A: Oh don’t even. We talked about this yesterday and I told you then that I’m not going to be the girl who strokes your ego for you.
D: your loss
A: I’ll take it
D: Wow You keep on blogging about your sex life, weirdo
A: What? You think I should be fighting for you after the shit you just pulled? Again? I’ve been talking to you for less than 24 hours and you’ve told me to lose your number twice already. There are tons of girls on Pof who would love to suck your dick and have phone sex with you today. I’m not one of them. I’m the woman who planned on dressing up for you in Friday and making you laugh and thought maybe, just maybe, you weren’t a Pof douche like so many others. And now you resort to name calling. I was wrong, you are too young for me. Good luck. I hope you find the things you think you need.
D: Lol I just expect woman to be all over me
A: *eyeroll* yeah you mentioned that.
D: Maybe I don’t know how to build a relationship without sex.
A: You’re not going to find a quality woman by treating them the way you’ve been treating me. Is that what you think of me? That I’m just some whore, here to get you off?
D: No. Never thought that, usually woman will do what I ask I’m not used to push back
A: Yeah, well, that’s how you make me feel. Thanks for that. You keep talking about sex, you sent me a Dick pic, and you called me while you were jerking off. Not cool. You couldn’t even wait the 4 goddamn days until our date.
D: bitch please. Go back to your fairy tale life
A: My fairy tale where I don’t see a man’s dick until after I’ve met him? Sounds good to me. Bye.
D: See ya. I can do better anyways I don’t need a woman who tells me no.
D: It’s too bad you didn’t even give me a chance
A: I did. You fucked both of them up.
D: I don’t see how to me you’re passing on an amazing guy
A: You’ve shown me that side of you just part of the time. I liked that side of you. The rest of the time you’ve been a prick and treated me with zero respect. You fall into name calling when you don’t get your way. I can’t be with someone when I’m not sure how they’re going to react to the word “no”.
D: Ok some woman will understand
A: Some woman will be your doormat. Don’t message me again unless you’re sure you want who I am and not because you’re hoping I can be some idea of who a woman should be.
D: Ok. When you’re finished being a bitch you have my number. If I don’t hear from you within 72 hours I’ll delete you, assuming you’re not interested.
A: Why wait? You can do it now. I don’t spend time with men who call a woman “bitch.” Speaking my mind doesn’t make me a bitch and I have not called you any names or been cruel. Being mean to me isn’t going to turn me on or make me want you.
D: You don’t understand you’re supposed to be all over me I’m the best you could get
A: Lol i understand that’s what you think. It must be killing you that I’m willing to let you go, just like that.
D: Nah it’s cool
A: Ok good. Then stop talking to me. I’m obviously not who you want.

Ok, ok. I know. You’re reading this and scratching your head wondering why I’m even bothering telling this guy what a dumbass he is. Did I mention he’s a good-looking doctor with a pool and it’s summer in Saskatchewan right now?

D: Sorry 😦
D: Amy?
A: What?
D: I have feelings for you
A: Then why do you behave the way you do?
D: Because I’m horny I’m sorry fuck ive laid in bed, Crying
A: Horny is a really bad excuse. What are you sorry for? Do you understand why I’m upset?
D: Yes. I disrespected you
A: How? I need you to say it
D: By demeaning you, I think you’d love phone sex though
A: It’s not about me loving it or not. It’s timing. If we were to start dating, would I have to worry about you freaking out every time I said no to something? We shouldn’t have had this many apologies before we’ve even met
D: I agree. Honestly I’m not as bad I as seem I’m very insecure and you, were someone I felt comfortable with. I’m sorry I feel like shit
D: I have so much to give I’m tired of being lonely. The way I treated you is so out of character for me I don’t know where that came from I’m ashamed
A: My forgiveness is endless, but you’re really fucking testing it.
D: So eventually when we have sex I have to be damn good, and provide you with an unforgettable first date
A: No, I don’t need you to try and impress me with a bunch of crazy stuff. Just be yourself, and show me you care by being a good guy and thinking before you speak/text. Because seriously, resorting to name calling? I do not want that relationship and I won’t enter into one like that, or stay in one like that. I think better of myself. And I will happily support you and build you up, but it will be on my terms.
A: It’s really hard for me to tell you how awesome you when you’re already doing it yourself
D: No I was an asshole I was less than awesome
A: I agree

Then he shared with me some stories about his past, his losses, things he’s been through. Tugged at my little heart strings.

A: Sharing these things is going to make me want you, not calling me when you’re masturbating and then hanging up on me. I want you to know that I can let everything that’s happened go, if you never treat me that way again. Ever.

And once again, everything was good. Until it wasn’t. He once again got upset when I wouldn’t have phone sex with him. And then messaged me the next day like nothing happened.

D: How’s work
A: Whatever game you’re playing, I’m not interested. I don’t want to do this with you every day where you don’t get your way and stomp off like a petulant child and then come back like nothing happened. Don’t message me again.
D: Your loss. Could of had me
A: It’s “could’ve”, and I’m well aware what I could have had. I don’t want it.
D: Why not I’m stud, educated.
A: Don’t forget selfish and insecure
D: Insecure sure, right woman will work on that with me
A: *sigh* then go find her and leave me alone. You could probably start with a 1-900 number since that’s such a big requirement for you.
D: So you’re saying you wouldn’t work on my insecurities with me?
A: No, I won’t. When did we start talking? Monday? Tell me anything nice you’ve said to me, tell me one conversation we’ve had that wasn’t all about you and your needs. Tell me why I should want to do anything with you when you tell me to fuck off in a daily basis because I’m not the right woman for you. Tell me all of that.
I am a laid-back, go with the flow, forgiving, optimistic person and you are driving me crazy.
D: So be mine
A: That’s all I get? No.
D: You’ll come back they always do
A: No. You’re the one who keeps messaging me.
D: Maybe because I want you
A: Then fucking act like it.
D: Wow
D: Can I have another chance?
A: Why do you even want one?
D: Because we have chemistry let’s go out and see what happens
A: What’s going to happen if I do or say something you don’t like?
D: Haha. We’ll deal with it.
A: If I agree to go out with you, I need to know you’re going to be a gentleman. I am not going to talk about sex with you until we get to the point of having it.
A: But, if you’re still available tomorrow, that’s only one day you have to wait. One day. Can you do it?
D: Not sure. Have date tomorrow. Because you weren’t interested.
A: Lol Ok, then I guess you’ll have to wait longer. Maybe she’ll be the love of your life. And then we’ll never meet and this won’t matter anyways
D: True. Well she seems genuinely interested. And doesn’t snap about sex
A: Did she have phone sex with you?
D: Haha yup. She started it
A: Of course. I bet you loved that. I hope it works out for you.
D: Thank you. I do feel bad, we didn’t even have a good chat
A: No, we didn’t. I wonder why that was…
D: But as Brooke says “You’re smart and dreamy. Any woman’s crazy for not being all over you.”
A: She sounds lovely. Seriously, good luck.
D: If it doesn’t work tomorrow want me to let you know?
A: I won’t be available for a date until next week
D: Why
A: Because I’m not going to wait around for you to figure out if things are going to work out with another girl. I’m going to make plans. And then I’m gone out of town the rest of the weekend.
D: Ah. Ok. You didn’t want me anyways
A: Right. That’s why I keep talking to you and agreeing to give you more chances. Because this whole roller coaster is super fun for me.
D: It sucks I’ll cancel my date tomorrow

So, the doctor tells me he’s going to cancel his date with this other girl and take me out. Frankly, I didn’t believe him and made backup plans. He’s a rollercoaster of emotion. Plus, it’s not cool to cancel on a date to take someone else out. It’s a good thing I did make other plans, because guess who suddenly stopped texting me back around 4pm on Friday afternoon when we had a date at 6? Yeah. Prick. Oh well. After the first couple of days of getting to know this guy, I was already worn down and looking ahead to what kind of story this would make. He did not text me again to apologize or anything like that, but he did message me the next week saying “hi”. I did not respond.

The end to that week was a perfect depiction of my love life. I talk to this little prick all week, and he ends up standing me up, I’m at an event and a man I like shows up with his new girlfriend, and the guy I’ve been trying to coordinate my schedule with so we can have sex messaged me to hook up and I had started my period. Oh, I got fucked all right. It just wasn’t any fun.

I have somewhat better news with a man I’ve gone a couple dates with. I’ll tell you about him soon.