There are a lot of annoying questions that get asked in the dating world. However, I would say the most annoying questions is: Why are you still single?
As if there’s a simple answer! Allow me to try and explain why this question gets me worked up. In some instances, it would seem the man asking is attempting to pay me a compliment. Case in point, I received a text message just minutes ago from a man I started talking to on the weekend. It read, “So how is someone with that amazing smile still single? Or is that by design?” I know, you’re probably thinking to yourself, he’s just being nice, he doesn’t mean anything by it. And he actually IS paying you a compliment. I know. And that’s why I deleted my original response to him for a simpler, “I’m single because I’m single.” But what I actually wanted to do was call him a jackass and tell him to never ask that question ever again. Why? Let me rant on and tell you why.
Complimenting something you like about my appearance while following up with a question about my relationship status makes me feel like you think that’s the reason someone should want me. This man knows absolutely nothing about me. He is attracted to me. He’s seen me at McNally’s a few times, has been too shy/intimidated to actually approach me, and so he messaged me on pof. That’s ok. But we have had minimal conversation up to this point. He doesn’t know that in addition to having a great smile I’m also hilarious, smart, charismatic, charming, kind, a great cook, etc.
Another side of the question is after we’ve actually spoken enough for them to get to know me a bit and then ask the question. Like, you seem so great, so why are you single? Translation: What’s wrong with you? What are you hiding? In my best moments, I let it go with an eye-roll and tell them I don’t waste my time dating anyone who isnt’ right for me. I may be too picky, but I often give too many chances as it is, and I’m not going to settle just because someone else thinks I should. In my weaker moments, I allow the question to creep through the cracks in my self-confidence. Why AM I single? What the fuck is wrong with me? When I ask these questions to myself, it does not make for a pleasant brainstorming session. I have a couple flaws. But after I acknowledge these, I remind myself of how awesome sauce I am and remember that it’s not a matter of men wanting or not wanting me, it’s almost always been my decision. There have been far more men who have wanted to be a part of my life than there have been men I’ve wanted to spend time with.
I’m single because I’m fucking single. It is a choice. I do not want to be alone forever, but I am not afraid of being alone. And I would rather be alone than be in a boring, abusive, unfaithful, or convenient relationship. I guess it would be a lot easier for most men to accept an easy answer, like, “I just got out of a relationship” or “I’ve been focusing on my career” than to hear my honest answer. Fuck those guys. Stop asking questions you don’t want to hear the answers to! Rant over.