Kris & Kelly: Kris Doesn’t Come Home

So, I haven’t heard from Special K (Thanks to Mike for the nickname) all week. He hasn’t called, texted, written, or sent any pigeons. How am I supposed to evict someone who doesn’t even show up?!

And then yesterday, I receive a text from Kelly. It reads, “Kris went to court this morning and is going back this afternoon. They want jail time from him. I’m gonna have to come by at some point and start getting his stuff though then when he gets out he will pay you.”

Me: “Nope. Anything that crack addict may have left here can be picked up by him personally when he pays me and returns my iPad.”

Kelly: “lol he didn’t tak an iPad his computer is missing to if I don’t get his stuff back he sending his friends to get it.”

Did this bitch just threaten me?! I’m not refusing to give Kris his stuff back. But I am refusing to give it to this little cunt. Given what I know of their relationship, how am I supposed to even know if they’re actually still dating? Since douchebag Kris is now wearing stripes, she’s probably been taking her slut show to all the club bathrooms around the city! And seriously? His computer is missing? It certainly wasn’t any of my friends who took it, which only leaves him and his “friends”. I just told her I’m not going to argue with her and Kris can pick him stuff up personally. And that if he’s in jail, it’s not like he’s going to need it anyways. Although, come to think of it, he could probably use that lube…

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