Kris & Kelly: Kris Goes to Jail

This is my 200th post. Yay! I wish the content were a little better, but here we are. For your amusement, shock, and disgust.

Friday comes along, the day my roommate is supposed to have his rent money. I sleep in since it’s my day off and I hear him leave the house around 10 or 11. He’s gone all day. At 6:30, I text him to ask when he’s going to be home and that I need his rent money. No response all night. I text him again in the morning and tell him I need his rent money TODAY. $100 he still owes from October, $600 for November, $40 for cab, and $20 for stolen lube. That’s a total of $760. Plus, I still can’t find my iPad. I looked everywhere. I left it in my room when I went to Saskatoon last Saturday. I don’t remember seeing it since.

Close to noon, I get a text from Trashbag Kelly (how she’s saved in my phone). It says, “Kris is in jail. he got pulled over for a 0.8 he goes to court on Monday and he says he should be out then but i have to come get trigger today”.
Me: That sucks, but what am I supposed to do about my rent? He still owes from last month, plus this month.
TK: I don’t know. I’ll tell him to get a hold of you on Monday
Me: I don’t mean to put you in the middle, but if you talk to him, tell him monday may be too late. I have bills to pay and my life to live and his fuck up is not my problem. I’ve been very patient with him, but he needs to figure out a way to pay me today, jail or no jail. I fed and watered Trigger, but he’s pretty low on dog food. When do you want to pick him up?
TK: I’ll let him know if I talk to him and I’ll pick him up sometime this afternoon
Me: I may not be here. (Does this fucktard expect me to wait around all day for her?)
TK: I’ll text you beforehand to see if you’re there and if not I can just wait until you are.

An Hour and a half later:

TK: Are you at home? I need to know I have my friend that is going to pick trigger up.
Me: Yes.
TK: Ok can u answer the door when he knocks he will be there right away
Me: Does he know how to use a doorbell?
TK: I don’t know he said he is going to knock.

That response killed me! Sarcasm is lost on her. She doesn’t know? Is her friend a time traveller from the year 1732 before the doorbell was invented?!

I wait for this friend to show up. I even turn off the tv, and open the door to the porch so I can hear this stupid knock on the door. I hear nothing. I did see a truck drive away though, so maybe he was there and I didn’t hear him. But a short while later, a girl showed up. Just a tiny little thing with a squeaky girl voice saying she was there for Trigger. Now, this girl was happy to see this dog. She hugged him and he lost his mind when she came in. He obviously loves her. She should adopt him.

So, now the dog is gone. My roommate is in jail. I’m pretty sure he has a current DUI, plus who knows what from prior. I continue looking for my iPad and since he’s gone, I’m going to search his room. What’s the first thing I see when I start looking? A crackpipe. A motherfucking crackpipe! I had to google it just to know what kind of pipe it was! I’m very drug savvy. I was livid. LIVID. This cuntrag was not only smoking cigarettes in my house, but also crack?! I was appalled this douchebag was doing drugs in my house. I mean, do whatever kinds of drugs you want to, but don’t do them in my house! He wasn’t even trying to hide it! It was just laying right there in the open. Luckily I didn’t actually find any drugs. At least, I don’t think I did. Like I said, I’m not very savvy. I did find some lovely new decorative rocks that I added into a candle holder though. My house has been smelling fantastic!

I also found my favourite soup spoon bent to shit and burned. One of my metal measuring spoons was burned black. 3 of my drinking glasses were in his room. One had 5 cigarette butts and ashes in it. One was broken beside his bed. And one was sitting in between the window and the screen of the window. There were many empty beer cans and bottles. One broken bottle. The stolen bottle of lube. Various papers of which I read all of them. Some were payday loan agreements, some were work documents for sick time, some were detox and drug rehab coinciding with his time off work, and one was a letter written to his parents. The letter was essentially and apology to his parents for everything he had put them through and how he wanted to make them proud and he knows he’s been a disappointment up to this point. It was dated 2011. There was a simple note written underneath in response to him: “You can keep this letter. It’s full of lies.”

I texted his dad. Yep, I ratted this kid out. He’s only 23 and this is his life? I figured if he was going to be moving back to Estevan, his parents should know he’s still a strung-out piece of shit liar. His dad’s response was simple. “If you feel unsafe, call the police. He has to hit rockbottom.”

I packed all his clothes into garbage bags, threw away anything related to drugs, and picked up all the empties. As I was moving his bed, guess what I found?! The Sasktel remote! I told you it would pay off remembering that! Oh, and I use the term “bed” quite loosely. He only has a mattress. I want you to picture an alley in a big city you’ve only seen in the movies. Imagine the homeless people, the rats, the cats, the junkies. Imagine the garbage. Now imagine if there were a mattress. That mattress you just imagined is the mattress this guy sleeps on. Without any sheets most of the time. And his girlfriend sleeps on. And that they have sex on. Are you throwing up yet?

He had nothing of value. Mostly clothes and random junk. He doesn’t even have his house key with him, so thankfully he won’t be able to get into the house. He won’t be allowed back in. His things will be in the backyard. Well, some of his things. Depending on how much money he shows up with. I’m sure I’ll have some sort of an update after tomorrow if he actually shows up or contacts me. Anyone want to hang out tomorrow (Monday)? lol


7 thoughts on “Kris & Kelly: Kris Goes to Jail

  1. Sure, why not, I’ve got no plans! ha ha! Just don’t leave us hanging for too long with a finale to this drama.

  2. this is unbelievable, I need to hear more. i HATE dealing with people like this. a kid owes me $300 over similar circumstance. and then i read his name in the paper over a crime. faith lost. they’ll feed you every excuse in the book. don’t even bother with the money. post an ad for a roommate immediately!

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