Domestic Disturbance

Wow, was that a night! I fell asleep on the couch in a turkey coma after having a lovely meal with some friends and their families. I woke up around midnight and made my way to the bedroom, noting that my roommate had not made it home yet. I was just falling asleep again when I hear my roommate and his gf coming up the steps. Mostly I heard Walter barking by my head because he heard them. Moments later, my roommate pops his head into my room and says, “Amy are you awake?” Well I sure fucking am now. What do you want? “Can I stay another month?” Uhh…I guess so. I can’t really be that picky since I have such shit luck even finding a roommate in the first place. (Side Note: It’s 12:20pm right now and as far as I know, the dog hasn’t been outside since sometime last night. He’s telling Trigger to go back to bed. This is the dog that could pee every 20 minutes if he had the chance. Maybe, just maybe, he needs to go outside.) It’s worth noting that he sounded drunk as fuck at this point. I can hear his gf, and another girl in the house too. This part doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t work in the morning and I’ve been that drunk person. So, party on, Wayne. I fall asleep. I wake up to them leaving. I hear a car start and then it’s quiet. Back to sleep. I wake up when they come back. Back to sleep. This happens again, me falling back asleep easily, because it’s just a brief wakeup. It’s not because they’re loud, it’s just because my window is open and my head is right by the window and the window is right by the front door. The next time I wake up it’s because there is a drunk angry girl’s voice slurring words about how my roommate is an asshole who tried to sleep with her. Now I’m awake. What I could make out was that she was accusing him of trying to fuck her while his girlfriend was asleep. And she turned him down. He called her a drunk and a liar and told her to get out of the house. She wouldn’t leave right away, so obviously the next move is to get the police involved. I hear him talking to police dispatch and telling them there is a girl in his house that won’t leave. He also tells them she’s telling his girlfriend lies. While he’s on the phone, this girl is talking to his girlfriend, and the gf is thanking her for not fucking her boyfriend. Who the fuck is this girl anyways?! She leaves while he’s still on the phone. So, I’m listening to my roommate on the phone with the police, plus listening to this drunk girl make phone calls on the street. Oh, and as she was leaving the house, I heard her call my roommate something along the lines of a “punk nigga”. I stayed in my room, but just so I can paint you a better picture of this whole thing, this girl sounded like a young native girl. Her voice was very little-girl like. My roommate speaks like he’s a cast member on Trailer Park Boys, and his girlfriend speaks like she’s the kind of girl who would date someone in a stereotypical trailer park.

So, I can hear this girl outside on the street calling various people, crying, I don’t know who she was talking to. At one point she said she felt “in danger”, and that she was new to Regina and didn’t know where she was and she was scared and begging whoever it was to come and get her. And then she called someone else asking them to come and get her because a cab would be really expensive. I heard her talk to several different people. For someone so new to Regina, she sure knows a lot of people already! At one point, my roommate went outside to ask her if she needed a phone. His dog got out, and he was calling Trigger back as this girl was calling Trigger to her. Trigger came back and my roommate came in and went to his room. This girl laughed and was shouting random insults and using the n-word. Shortly thereafter, the cops showed up. They asked her if she was ok and she told them she was bit by a dog that lived here. They clearly didn’t believe her since they just coaxed her into the car and then left. Great. I can go back to sleep.

Hahahaha Fat chance, Amy! Now that the random girl is gone, it’s time for a loud argument and breakup! The Real Housewives was my favourite reality show until now. Further information is revealed. The gf is calling him a piece of shit for trying to fuck this girl. He’s saying he didn’t. She’s saying she heard him and how stupid was he to try and cheat on her when they were all on the bed together and while he thought she was sleeping, she heard everything. (Heard everything, but still pretended to be asleep?) It got louder, Trigger was upset and crying, then there was a bit of a scuffle and my roommate says “Assualt! Assault! That’s it, I’m calling the cops and telling them you assaulted me!” She laughed and dared him to do it. He told her to get the fuck out of the house and give him his sweater back. She told him she would be happy to and took his sweater off and demanded he give her all her stuff. He wouldn’t give her her keys though. And called the cops while all this is going on. Because again, the obvious solution is to have the police involved. Like they don’t have real shit to deal with. So, he’s on the phone with them, telling them he’s reporting his gf who is drunk and trying to drive and hit him because he wouldn’t let her. And she’s disputing everything he says loudly in the background. (Interesting he had no problem with her driving several times before this point. Or maybe he was the one driving. I don’t know. But being drunk and driving didn’t seem to matter until this fight). She finally goes outside and is sitting on the steps. As you may remember, the steps are directly outside my bedroom window. Then SHE calls the cops! And says they’re on the phone with her bf at the moment too and he’s full of shit and she’s waiting for the cops outside and she’s freezing and wants to know when they’re going to be there. They finally show up and one is outside talking to the girlfriend (oh, she has also said several times by this point that she is no longer his girlfriend or fiancé. Did they get engaged at some point and I missed it?), and the other comes in and talks to my roommate. Listening to them, it occurs to me that the police are a little bit like bartenders, listening to the problems of drunk people, calming them, giving them advice and simple therapy. The police officer offered to help my roommate smooth-talk his gf about this whole cheating thing. There were a lot of “mans” and “take it easy” and sounds that I assume were chest bumping and bro handshakes. I’m not sure how I feel about this exchange. But that’s for another time. They left with his gf/ex-gf, and finally things were quiet.

Except that I had to pee. It’s roughly 530/6am at this point. I get up and since the roommate hears me, he pops his head out of his room and apologizes for everything and tells me his gf/ex-gf will never be here again. I tell him that she wasn’t the problem, but the whole night needs to not happen again. This isn’t the hood, I have nice neighbours and we live in a nice neighbourhood. And everything that happened was bullshit. To have the police come twice in one night for minor things that could have been solved by calling and paying for a couple of caba was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard of. I never want to go to sleep in Cathedral and wake up in the hood again. He apologized profusely.

So, anyone need a place to live? My requirements are minimal at this point. Don’t leave food laying around, have basic good hygiene, pay rent on time, no pets, and don’t call the cops for anything that isn’t an emergency.


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