Confession

Hey everyone. I know you all think of me a certain way, but I’m about to blow that thought right out of the ocean. I am just like EVERY OTHER FUCKING WOMAN. How, you ask? There is a man I let treat me like shit. He doesn’t treat me the way I deserve. And, this really pains me to admit, but it just makes me pursue him more. Remember the guy I had the really great connection with and then when I told him something personal, he bailed? And then a few months later tried to get me to come over to his place and just “hang out”? Read here. That’s the guy. I am SOO attracted to him. I rarely feel this way. Sure, I find a variety of men attractive, but this man, I would let him ravage me any way he wanted. I saw him tonight. He always acknowledges me when I see him and we flirt. At the end of the night, he walked by and squeezed my arm. A fucking arm squeeze. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Do you know how much more ridiculous it is to read into that?! Fuck this bullshit! He used to pursue me. Now I pursue him. Fuck. After I gave up and left the bar tonight, I walked to the corner with another man (who I had no intentions of sleeping with, he just happened to also be needing a cab), and we caught one. It went down the street and I saw my crush walking to his truck. As drunk as I was/am, I let the cab drive by. I can’t decide if it’s a missed opportunity or if it was just me being stubborn and not being the one who goes to him. Because I definitely tested him and sent him a message after. He was already home and in bed and wouldn’t come over. I told him I would have stopped and gone to him if I knew what his deal was. He said, “my deal?”. I said, yeah, sometimes you seem into me and sometimes not. His response? “I’m busy, man”. He called me “man”. When I call a guy “dude”, I just don’t
give a shit. But I still couldn’t give up. So, I said he knows how to reach me when he’s not busy.

It just makes me really sad to feel this way about a man that I would tell my friends to stay away from and tell to fuck off if they were interested in him. I’m also not used to my female wiles not working, and it sucks. It also sucks to think about someone you’re pretty sure isn’t thinking about you at all. That hurts. I have backups. But I’m not sure they can even provide comfort, and I don’t like taking advantage of people. I have a soft heart, despite how I present myself.

But now that I’ve written about it, I feel like I have a responsibility and promise to you all to not pursue this man. Believe me, I’m still open to him, but he’s going to have to come to me. I’ve already deleted his conversation from my phone, and his phone number. But from this moment on, I’m done pursuing a man who takes up my time and doesn’t care about giving anything back. I deserve better.

Stay tuned for roommate posts. This chick can’t be for real! BUT, she is! Talk to you soon!

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