The Mathematician Cook (Not Meth)

Over the past couple of months, I have really started to enjoy going out on weeknights as opposed to the weekends. Sure, I still have fun on the weekends that I go out, but there’s something special about a Tuesday night drunk.

On one such night, I ended up at one of my favourite pubs, McNally’s. It was karaoke night and the place was packed! Partly because it was karaoke and partly because another bar in the city had closed for the night in order to finally get around to having their Christmas party, and had chosen that venue. On one of my trips up to the bar, I smiled at a man I thought was cute and said something along the lines of “Hey. Sup?” Along with a reverse head nod. Classic. And it worked. He was part of the Christmas party and invited my friend and I to go along with them back to their bar to have after hour drinks. Obviously our answer was yes. We played some pool, had some drinks, and a general good time. My phone died, and my friend’s phone died. She needed to go home and borrowed the mathematician’s phone to call for a ride. And then left. With his phone. This is important for later.

Gradually everyone we had come with left and it was just Math and I left. We made out in the bar for awhile and then decided to lock up and go to his place. I did sleep in his bed mostly naked, but not much happened. We did not have sex, or anything even close to it. Although I’m sure he was wondering what the hell I was doing in his bed in just my thong if I wasn’t going to have sex. I wondered the same thing myself when I sobered up.

So, it’s the next morning, he has to go into work, and I have to go home. He doesn’t have a car, my phone is dead, and his phone is presumably still with my friend. He went to check if his roommate was home so we could borrow his phone and call a cab, but no luck. So he told me to just wait there and he would walk to work and call me a cab from a payphone on the way. So there I am sitting upstairs in his roommate’s livingroom waiting and waiting and waiting. No cab. And there’s just old food containers and cash laying around everywhere. Trusting bachelors. But I do suddenly hear movement. Turns out his roommate WAS home, he was just sleeping in a different room. His roommates comes out into the livingroom wearing a t-shirt and a small towel wrapped around his midsection. He was holding it closed. Which was fine when he initially walked by me to grab something from the livingroom, but when he turned around to leave, suddenly the part of the towel that did not quite close was level with my face. Awkward. Finally the cab came and I got to go home.

I retrieved Math’s phone for him and returned it. He asked me out. I said yes. Things I learned on our first date included these facts: He has a math degree and is ridiculously smart. He had wanted to keep going to school to become a professor. Instead, once he got his degree, he kept on at his parttime job as a cook at a local bar and has been there for the past 15 years. He doesn’t have a car because he doesn’t drive because when he was younger, he got a DUI and when the time came when he could get his license back, he just never bothered to go through the steps needed to get it back. He lived with his mother for awhile to save some money, but for the past coupe of years has been living in his friend’s basement. On the plus side though, he did open doors for me, paid for supper and drinks, and is kind of funny. And he’s awkward, but in a cute way. I do have a bit of a soft spot for awkward weirdos. I was sick so he didn’t kiss me goodnight, but he did give me a hug.

Date number 2 was a movie at his place. We cuddled on the couch and he rubbed my leg, my arm, my back, ahh, just like that! Just kidding, it was normal cuddling. He stroked my hair. But never made more of a move than that. Even when we parted ways, nothing. I was really starting to get on the fence about this guy. I mean, he’s a nice guy, has some good qualities, but wasn’t making a move, and the whole lack of ambition thing wasn’t sitting well with me.

Date number 3. Now, if you are a long-time reader of mine, you already know that it is pretty unusual for me to agree to anything past a second date if I’m not feeling it. He intended on taking me bowling, but didn’t do any research into it, and it was a league night and we couldn’t get a lane. So we played free pool at the bar he works at, and he drank employee priced beer. Oh, he’s also a big drinker. Sure, I drink, but I’m not into getting off work and downing a couple of schooners of beer and then going home and drinking from my box of wine. Or “cask” if you’re fancy, like my mom. In fact, I think at one point he referred to himself as a functioning alcoholic. Not as a joke. Anyways, he did kiss me goodnight that night. Not a great kiss. He uses a bit too much tongue right off the get-go. I mean, what’s the rush?! There’s plenty of time for tonguing.

Date number 4 never happened. He asked me out again and I said yes, but I cancelled it a couple of times. Actually, I cancelled every date we made and rescheduled it. I was never excited about seeing him, I didn’t get butterflies, and I didn’t think about him when we weren’t together. All bad signs. Anyways, I had cancelled our date and tentatively rescheduled. But I never let him know for sure and went out that night instead. When I got home, I sent him a message and he was still up so I caught a cab over. My thinking was that, maybe, we just needed to have sex. Maybe that was the missing piece and it would get me off the fence. Well, it sure did get me off the fence, but not in the direction he would like. Keep in mind I was drunk. The sex didn’t have to be amazing. It didn’t even have to be good. I would have settled for adequate (pfft, no I wouldn’t have). But it was bad. I don’t want to go into too many details (I know you don’t believe me, but I really don’t. He’s still a nice guy), but suffice to say I was not a fan and will not be repeating that little adventure. We might be friends. I’m going to leave that in his court. I’m not one to force friendship onto men. It’s cruel to spend time with someone who has feelings for you when you don’t feel the same way, just because you enjoy the attention and their company. It’s selfish.

Anyways, onto the next! I have a couple other irons in the fire, so stay tuned!


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