Laws of Attraction?

Do you believe you get what you put out into the world? I don’t mean in a karmic sense, but in terms of Laws of Attraction. Judging from the responses I’ve had from men in recent months, I`m beginning to think I`m going to have to stop having casual sex in order to find something meaningful. Let`s examine the facts.

QCR appears back in my life because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He has a girlfriend and his cake happens to be named Amy. BDK starts showing up at my house all the time and calling me. He still called me this past weekend, although thankfully he didn`t show up at my house.

One of the men I`ve been talking to on Pof is a repeat. We chatted a few months ago and we were really hitting it off. He`s sarcastic, handsome, tall, confident, a little arrogant. We spend our first conversation cracking jokes and start to make plans to have a date. We never got to meet. He made a judgement about me based on something I told him and just stopped talking to me. Whatever, douche. I guess you`re perfect. Then last week, he`s back on pof and hits the `meet me` feature. I recognize his picture so I message him and ask him why he wants to meet me when he bailed on me the last time. His reponse was, “I don’t recall the exact circumstances, but I’m sure it was justified and made sense to me at the time. I’m sorry now if that helps at all.” Oh good, an empty apology. My favourite! I refreshed his memory. He told me he`d let me give him a blow job to rectify MY wrong. Swoon!

A few days later, he messages me again:
Him: I`m never going to get that blow job, am I?
Me: Who knows. Christmas is coming. Maybe you should write a letter to Santa.
Him: I saw him at the parade on Saturday, he wasn’t into it
Me: Maybe you were on his naughty list.
Him: I thought naughty was a good thing?
Me: I guess that depends who holds the list.
Him: Well I guess as of right now, you would be the one holding the list.
Me: You have to be nice to me to get on my list.
Him: I’ve been nothing but nice to you my dear.
Me: Guess I’d better blow you then!
Him: If you insist!
Me: You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world.
Him: You should probably just stop being sarcastic and such and just come over.
Me: You know I won’t do that.
Him: Oh I’m well aware, not entirely sure why
Me: Because we’ve never met
Him: I know, forget the hook up part, just come by and we can actually meet, and bring coffe, thx.

Let me add that this conversation took place at 10pm on Sunday night. Our conversation ended with him basically telling me he’s interested and I should know that by the fact that we’re having a conversation (A conversation where he hasn’t asked me even one personal question. I should probably just assume he remembers facts about my life from the first time we spoke, right? *eyeroll*). He also tells me he’s extended the invite and if I’m opting not to go over to his house, that’s my call. Nice move, playa. Put that ball right into my court. I wonder how often he’s been able to trick women into his bed by being an asshole and making it seem as if he’s the one making all the effort? Before I can stop myself, I suggest if he were to actually want to meet for a coffee or drink out somewhere sometime, I would consider that. He says, “Somewhere, sometime.” My non-committal, must-have-the-last-word response is, “I’ll put it in my calendar.”

Then there’s the guy who constantly messaged me only after 9pm and asks me to “hang out”. After a few days of this, I told him I am never available to hang out after 9pm and if he wants to meet me, he’ll have to ask me in advance and plan a date. He tried one day. I was busy and I haven’t heard from him since.

And that brings us to Asian Joe. Asian Joe sends me a message. We have some decent conversation. He wants to meet me. I had plans all of last week and on the weekend. I told him I would save Monday evening for him if he wanted to go out. Our conversation had been flirty. Anytime he started to push the boundaries, I let him know where those boundaries were and what I was and wasn’t going to chat about on pof. We set up a date for this evening. He was going to pick me up around 7. Shortly after 5, he messaged me and apologized for the short notice, but he had to cancel. I told him that was ok and hoped everything was fine. He said some friends from out of town surprised him and stopped by wanting to go for supper. Fair enough, we can reschedule. So I messaged one of my friends to see if she still wanted to go to a movie. We didn’t, but when AJ asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink after supper, I said no, that I’d made other plans. Then he gets all, “Oh, you couldn’t wait a couple hours for me? lol jk.” Umm…no, I can’t. Shit, I forgot the best part. Right after he cancelled on me, he dropped this gem:

Be busy till 9-10 I think. 😛
But I’ll be honest with you, loved chatting with you thus far, its been fun and you have quick wit about you for sure. 🙂 I want to meet up, however so you know I am NOT looking for a relationship ok? Just want to get buzzed, chat and have “sweaty” fun. I think you’re very attractive and would be super fun with you. Sorry to say but that’s where I am at in my life. 🙂

The next half hour is spent with him apologizing and asking me to meet up with him later. I say I have plans. I also tell him if he’s decided all he wants is casual, then that’s all he’s going to get from me.
Him: well I can for sure because that’s where I am currently. So are we in agreement that we should meet up around 9 or so and see where the night takes us? clothing optional later on maybe……. casually…… 😉 Whatever happens happens.

A few hours pass and it’s almost 11 and he texts me. He still wants to go for a drink and “see where things go”. I have already told this guy I rarely even kiss on a first date. He springs this shit on me tonight and expects that I’m going to go ahead and jump into bed with him? I finally have to just tell him to stop pushing the issue and there’s no way I’m going out after 11 to meet up with him. Casual or not, I find it disrespectful to even ask a woman to do that and then to push the issue is just a fucking dick move. Frankly, after he told me he only wanted casual, a switch flipped in me and any good feelings and attraction I had to him dropped to the floor. He clearly does not possess the playbook on how to be admitted into my casual rotation.

I realize how stupid it seems to sleep with some guy from the bar, and then turn around and not go to bed with a guy I’m actually getting to know. But it’s just different. I’m not going to fuck him just because he wants me to. Put some goddamn effort in. Men, whatever happened to taking a girl out to a nice meal, ordering a bottle of wine or two, giving your date a sweet little buzz, fucking her, and then never calling her again? Did you just get cheap and lazy? And disguised in what you’re now calling “honesty”? If you’re going to treat me like a whore, at least fucking pay me.

Which brings me back to my original point of this post. I almost forgot why I was writing this. By engaging in casual sex, am I seen as only wanting casual sex? By continuing to speak to these asshats, will that be all that comes into my life? How does one stay empowered enough to enjoy fucking some strange, and amused enough to talk to jackasses, while still focused on finding something meaningful? When it comes to sex, there’s a fine line between being empowered and being a real slut of a doormat. I think the perfect balance is having a welcome sign hanging up. Your guests can see it’s a lovely, inviting place, but they’d better ring the bell and wipe their goddamn feet if they expect that door to open.

QCR Returns

Remember Quick Cum Rob? I do. I’m not sure if I actually wrote about how we stopped seeing each other or not. Basically he just suddenly stopped messaging me. We only emailed because he didn’t have a phone at the time and when I tried to send him a message, it bounced back to me. So, whatever. It was just sex, but I was annoyed that he just disappeared without a word. He was the one who couldn’t figure out whether or not he wanted a relationship. Or maybe he just wanted me to say I wanted one. I don’t know. In any case, I told him I was fine with casual sex. This was months ago, probably May or so.

Then last week I am on POF and I receive a “meet me” notification (you can look through profiles and select yes, no, maybe to someone’s profile and it lets them know you’re interested). In addition to that, I also receive a notification that the same user added me as a “favourite”. Curious, I message him. I had already looked at his profile, but his username was marriedman something. He had no picture with it and you have to have a picture to message me. So I messaged him asking why he’s messaging women if he’s married and why he would favourite me without attaching a picture and sending me a message. Turns out, it’s Rob, and he created the profile just to talk to me.

His excuses…his email was hacked and he couldn’t get back into it. Oh, and he has a girlfriend. A. fucking. girlfriend. Is everyone wrapping their heads around this? Mr “I really like you, but I don’t know if I can commit the time to having a girlfriend even though you aren’t asking for anything from me anyways” now has a girlfriend. So, of course I ask him what the hell he wants from me if he has a girlfriend (obviously I know the answer. I just want him to say it). He’s been thinking about me a lot and misses talking to me. And wants to fuck. No shit. I always liked talking to him, so I tell him we can chat, but his dick isn’t getting anywhere near me. He says ok, he’s good with just being friends. It hasn’t stopped him from trying to get me to touch his cock though. I tell him if he’s happy with his relationship, he shouldn’t fuck that up and he shouldn’t mess around on his girlfriend. He says he’s is happy with the way things are, but he can’t help thinking he might have been happier with me and really fucked things up. Uhh…what?

The Rise of BDS

I know what you’re thinking…BDS, must be another big dicked fella in Amy’s life. If only that were the case. It is merely BDK turning into BDS. Big Dicked Stalker. I moved several months ago. A couple of months ago, I gave in to BDK and let him come over. It was fun.

My doorbell rings one night around 2 or 3 am. My front door shifted with the house and is slowly moving back into place, but at the time, it was too hard to get the deadbolt in place, so I left it unlocked. There is a second door once you get through the sunporch, so I never worried about it too much. Until I’m laying in bed listening to someone open the front door and start knocking on the second door! Walter is going crazy and my heart is beating against my chest so hard I thought Chris Brown might just explode out of my body. There is no fucking way I’m getting out of bed to even peek around the corner to see who is there. About 15 minutes later, it finally stops and I hear the person leave. Holy shit. And then I start to think about it. Who knows where I live and would just walk into my house? BDK. Of course. Later that week, he stops by during the week. I think it was a Thursday maybe. I was just chilling at home and the doorbell rings and someone walks into my sunporch. It’s BDK. Because I’m right there, I answer the door. He tells me he’s moved in across the back alley and wants to know what I’m up to. I tell him I’m going to bed because I work in the morning (I didn’t). Truthfully, it took me a minute to register who he even was because I only see him in the dark and when I’m drunk.

For the last few weekends I’ve been home and not out of town or at work, my doorbell has rung at least once during the weekend. Usually Friday nights, but the odd Thursday or Saturday too. I never get up. Sometimes my phone rings. It’s always him. I never answer it. I never respond to his texts. He is not getting the hint.

This past Friday, he called me 4 times in 6 minutes. I happened to be awake because I worked 11-3 and had just gone to bed when he called. Last night, I stayed in and woke up to the dog barking shortly after 3am. It took me a few seconds to get my bearings and focus on reality. My fucking doorbell was ringing again! I look at my phone and there are two texts from him:

“I’m coming over.” “Leave the backdoor open.”

Fuck you, sir. There will be no coming, and there will certainly not be any open backdoors! My lack of response did not stop him from ringing the doorbell constantly for ten minutes and then coming around to the front and trying that one instead. Thankfully I have a working lock again and he couldn’t even get past the screen door.

I was pissed. I was so tired and in such a deep sleep. I texted him this morning and told him to never come to my house uninvited again. I’ve texted him before and told him I work in the morning and not to bother me. If I had to get up this morning to work at 7am, I would have been even more pissed. And if my roommate had moved in and I wasn’t home and she had to answer the door to a strange man at the door when she’s here all alone, or stay in bed freaked out? Fuck that!

So, BDS.