Let’s Get Naked!

You know, at one point in my life, I used to think I would have to lose weight before getting professional pictures of myself done. That was years ago. I don’t think that way anymore. Hopefully sometime over the next year, I will have nude photos taken of myself, and boudoir with some of the lingerie I have. I would also like to pose nude for an art class at some point in my life. I think it would be empowering. It’s just nudity.

This is something I took myself…

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The Problem With Casual Sex

After QCR left for work, I received an email from him almost immediately apologizing for his fast performance and worried that I wouldn’t want to see him again. I told him it we could try it again (He had much better stamina the second time). Now, beyond the sex, something else started happening. We talked about what we were looking for when we first started chatting. It came up again when he said he could see us starting to date. Then he started asking me more questions. Here are a few excerpts from his emails to me…

So I gotta ask. Would our relationship be a fwb thing or would you want to date? What if we found someone else but still wanted each other lol

I like the idea of fwb but I also like you a lot more then that. But with my hectic work schedule I haven’t always had the time to commit to a full time relationship. So I’m cool with just being whatever. So that being said have you dated any guys since I saw you lol

If you have seen other guys since meeting me I of course have a bit of jealousy there because you are a cool, sexy girl and a part of me wants you all to myself. But that sort of seems silly at the same time and you are obviously free to do what you want. So have you? haha I would eventually love to take you out but I just don’t know when. Plus the thought of you and I being fwb is kind of a turn on. So for me that is what I would want. But I understand that the more we talk the more the attraction grows.

No, I haven’t seen anybody, haven’t had time to even though I do get emails from girls I used to talk to but I if ignore them. When it comes to sex and good looking girls you are by far te best I’ve been with in a long time. But it’s a deal for me. And if another guy woos you and you feel he is the one let me know and I will back off. So what are some of the rules then? If we go on a date with other people and end up having sex with that person is that a no-no or what. haha

Have you had sex with any of your dates? Sorry if its none of my business. Just curious is all. Not like I can do anything about it anyways. :p

So I think I know what you mean by possibly getting in to deep with the fwb thing. I’m very attracted to you and not just for your body. You are smart and funny. I could see us hanging out watching a movie. But I just don’t have time to do that at the moment. Did you know we have emailed each other over 400 times in the last month? Hopefully I’m not creeping you out. Not like I’m falling in love or anything but I do really like you. “sigh”

My responses were basically all the same. I told him that I do like him, but would have to actually spend some time with him to see if there’s anything actually there. I don’t require a lot of time, but if he doesn’t have the time, he doesn’t have the time. I’m not going to wait around for him. I told him I have been dating other guys, but what I do or do not do with them is none of his business. And there are no rules. I told him if he asked me not to fuck anyone else because he wants to actually give a relationship with me a go, then I would agree to that. Otherwise, I will do whatever and whoever the fuck I want. And it will continue to be none of his business.

After the last message when he said he’s starting to really understand the feelings that can develop out of a fwb situation, I told him I warned him. In the very beginning, I told him in my experience, it’s the men who develop feelings for me, not the other way around. This was my response…

Sounds like you’ve been thinking about me today. I warned you lol
I think you have to make a decision. You’ve either mentioned or asked me a few times now about what “this” is. It sounds to me like you do want to spend time with me outside the bedroom, but you’re afraid. Either of it blowing up because you have limited available time, or because of something you haven’t said yet. I rarely find men I want to spend my time with, but I like you. I would spend time with you. However, I don’t want to get any more invested if we’re casual, and I will pull back. I don’t want either of us to get hurt. So, think about it. I mean, realistically, when would you ever have the time to spend with me or anyone? Could you handle us not emailing and just having sex?

He didn’t respond directly to that message, but he has continued to message me since. At this point, I’m not going to worry about it anymore. Frankly, I like him, but I’m also ok if I never see him again. I’ll still fool around with him and will continue my search for something more. And when he has been taken over completely by my charms and wants to make the time for me, I may not have the time for him. Amy out, muthafucka.

QCR

Quick Cum Rob. But let me start at the beginning. He messaged me on pof about a month ago. We chatted and flirted for a few messages. He told me he was just looking for something casual, but he knew I wasn’t so if I wasn’t interested, that was fine. I told him I am certainly looking for someone to spend some quality time with, but in the meantime, I’m open to casual. So we exchanged email addresses. We emailed for a couple of weeks before we actually met. During that time, it was within the first week of us starting to email that he told me he could see us going out and starting to date…

QCR: So, you’re pretty cool. I could see us actually starting something and dating.
Me: We don’t need to talk about relationships.
QCR: Oh, I guess I’m not boyfriend material 😦
Me: Settle down you girl. All I mean is that we haven’t even met yet and you told me you’re only interested in casual, so let’s just see what happens.
QCR: Oh, ok.

Fast forward to the next week and he tells me he has removed his profile from pof.

QCR: I don’t know if you noticed, but I took my profile down. You’re the only one I really want to talk to.
Me: I hadn’t noticed, but ok. I’m not taking mine down.

Our first hookup…It was a Friday. I had the day off and he had to work in the afternoon so he came over for a nooner (Arrived at my house at 11:35, was out the door at 11:53). He was super cute, better looking in person. And kind of shy. He was all nervous. But a great kisser. We made out while he took my shirt off and pulled my skirt up and went downtown. I attempted to return the favour and had his dick in my mouth for umm…maybe…30 seconds…when he told me stop. I pulled away just as he came. All over his own t-shirt. We hadn’t even gotten far enough to be fully undressed yet! Thank god he had the good sense to be apologetic and embarrassed and didn’t just up and leave. I believe his words were something like, “I knew I should have jerked it before I came over.” Yeah, no shit.

Marcus, Sid, and Ontario Mike

I’ve had a few dates in the past couple of months. I’ll start with Marcus. Marcus lives in Saskatoon. We hit it off pretty quickly and messaged solidly for a couple of days. But he moved way too fast for me. After those first 2 or 3 days, he had hidden his pof profile, told all his friends about me, and just liked me soo much. That turned me off. Some girls would love that. Not me. Our first date went well. We talked easily, laughed, he was a gentleman, held doors open for me, paid for supper. But when he asked if he could hold my hand, I said no. I figured that was also a good time to tell him I don’t kiss on a first date either. I know, given my penchant for casual sex, this may seem a little off. But dating is different. When our date was over, he started to ask for a hug. It went something like this…

Marcus: So, can I have a hu…
Me: High five?

And then I put up my hand. Classic. That was really the moment I knew I wasn’t interested. We still had a second date, and it was nice, but I didn’t feel any kind of spark. We decided to be friends though, and have hung out several times since then whenever I’ve been in Saskatoon. He’s pretty cool.

Then there was Sid. Nice enough guy, we had some laughs, decent conversation. What blew it for me was the story he told me involving a kid shitting all over a room, and being cheap and needing to tell me about how cheap he is. We went to a pub in town for supper and drinks. We both started with a glass of mead. When the waitress came to refresh our drinks, we both ordered another and she informed us mead wasn’t part of the $3 pint special. I said that was fine, I still wanted the mead. Sid changed his order, saying he was cheap. But he laughed it off, and hey, $3 pints are a great deal. So we’re finishing up and the waitress asks if the bills should be separate or together. He answered “separate” so fast I thought I saw Speedy Gonzales shoot out of his mouth. And once the waitress left, he looked at me and said, “I told you I was cheap!” I don’t expect a man to pay for me all the time, but if you can’t pick up the cheque on the first date and then make a point of telling me you’re cheap, I won’t be seeing you again.
So after that, we said good night and I found out one of his best friends is good friends with one of my best friends. I’m not surprised. Regina is super small. He asked me out again, but I was out of town when he did. I was worried I was going to have to tell him I didn’t really want to see him again at all, but when he messaged me, he called me “buddy”. Great, he thinks we should just be friends, no worries. I could do that. But once I got back into town, he asked me if I wanted to go out again. If I had liked him, I wouldn’t have been impressed with the confusion. As it was, out schedules didn’t match up and we just stopped talking.

Ontario Mike. Sweet guy, but only in town for a couple of months to work at the refinery. I thought maybe we could have something casual. Turns out he’s way too sweet for that. On our first date, we went for supper and to the bookstore. At the bookstore, every time I turned around, he was practically standing on top of me. He couldn’t stop touching me. But at the end of the night, he didn’t even try to kiss me. Fine by me because I probably would have awkwardly pulled away. We talked throughout the next few weeks and went out a couple more times. Nothing happened. Like, nothing. The most he did was stand really close to me and put his hand on my back at one point. He put himself into the friend zone pretty quickly. He’s not here anymore anyways though, so no big deal.

That’s about as interesting as that’s been. I’ll tell you about someone else next, but he needs his own post.

Charity Work

So, a couple of months ago, I received a message from this guy on POF. It was somewhat unusual. He was very open about his situation, both in his messages and on his profile. He was only looking for an “intimate relationship” with a woman. Last year, his wife was in a car accident and was impaled. She survived, and recovered, but the nerve damage was so great that she is unable to have sex without extreme pain. One night while they were lying in bed, she said to her husband, “You know, we had a really active sex life before the accident, and now we can’t do much of anything. I think you should try to find a friends with benefits situation.” He almost fell out of the bed. I know what you’re thinking…is this guy for real? I thought the same thing. But, after messaging him for about a month and learning a lot about him and his family, I decided he was for real. He loves his wife and children. He can’t wear a wedding ring to work so he had one tattooed on. At the worst, it would be a nice little story to tell you fine folks.

He lives in Saskatoon. I’m just going to call him the married man (MM) because truthfully, I can’t even remember his name anymore. Anyways, MM lives in Saskatoon. I told him I was there quite often so maybe we could meet up sometime while I was up there. He ended up taking a job in Regina for a few months. The first time we met, we got it on. It was alright. Just alright. For a guy who told me some of the things he and his wife used to do, I expected a little bit more. Before we even started, I asked if he wanted any rules. He said no. I couldn’t think of any, so away we went. But when he left, he tried to kiss me goodbye. I backed away pretty quickly and told him my rule was no goodbye kisses. Those are for single people who like each other.

Weeks passed before we hooked up again. He wanted to, I was either busy or didn’t feel like it. Nothing about him really turned me on. Finally, I had a free evening and thought, what the hell? I’ll give him another go. Bleh. He liked to make a lot of eye contact. And I mean a lot. Like, I was afraid to look away and wondered if I could just close my eyes instead. He did this thing with his eyebrows where he would raise them quickly two times in succession and look at me like he was doing something really awesome. He was not. And I’m not sure what the look on my face was, but he asked me why I was always laughing at him. After that, I got bored. I was not what you would call a really active participant in the finishing act. After he finished, he tried some handy work on me and tried to tease me by stopping. I said, that’s fine and rolled over. He was all like, uhh, what? I said, that’s fine. I’m good. I think he got the message. He left shortly after that and hasn’t messaged me since.

Cancer

My dad has cancer. Prostate. I guess if you’re a man and you’re going to get cancer, it’s the best one to get. But being the best of the worst isn’t saying much. It’s scary as hell. We knew something was wrong late last year. He just didn’t feel right. He got checked out in January and was diagnosed in February. Thankfully it’s small and they caught it early. The doctor told him if he had waited another year to get checked, things would be different. As it is, he is going to Edmonton in the near future to be treated, and his prognosis is good. He has chosen radioactive seeds. The basics are the doctor implants the seeds into the prostate and they kill the cancer without damaging the surrounding tissue. It’s the least invasive and has the shortest recovery time. Being a farmer, my dad can’t afford to lose much time. He’s scared, my mom is scared, my brother is a douche, and I’m scared. Knowing how it’s affecting my dad’s daily life is what really scares me. I think about it every day.