Don’t worry, Jan. This is not a post about Pearl Jam.
I don’t remember if I told you all this, but I joined match.com. I paid for 3 months to see how it goes. I’ve been chatting with a few men so far and it’s been alright. Jeremy sent me a few messages and he sounded like a decent guy so I agreed to meet him. He lives in Saskatoon and I won’t be back in Saskatoon for work for a couple of weeks so we were trying to figure something out. An opportunity came up to take a short roadtrip to Saskatoon with a friend of mine so we made plans to go out on Sunday evening. And in the meantime, he also decided he would like to come down to Regina. He has some friends here so his thinking was he could fit in a visit with them, and also take me out. Nice guy.
Saturday: Jeremy came to my door and greeting me with a bouquet of flowers. Every man should bring flowers on a first date. We went for supper and had a nice conversation. It flowed pretty well. But before supper was even over, I knew this man wasn’t for me. I wasn’t feeling the chemistry and I wasn’t attracted to him. I made a couple suggestions about what we should do next, but made sure not to suggest playing pool. Jeremy plays in a pool league and I suck at pool. I didn’t want it to turn into a situation where he’s trying to teach me pool by coming up behind me and achieving a dry hump in the name of coaching. These are the thoughts and scenarios that pass through my head.
We went to a movie and then he took me home and walked me to my door. I was contemplating how to get out of going on a second date with him, but he was such a nice guy that I felt bad about it. I figured I would give him another chance and see if I felt any differently after our second date. Plus, he was texting me after, telling me what a great time he had and how much he was looking forward to tomorrow. Damn this charming smile!
Sunday: I told Jeremy I would meet him wherever we were going for supper. He mentioned at least 3 times that he could pick me up if I wanted. I did not want. We had a nice supper, but he kept trying to get me to try his dessert. When he ordered it, the waitress asked him a question and he made a joke about me sharing it with him. Or I thought it was a joke. It wasn’t. When it came, he told me to try some. I politely declined. He then said, “no, really, try some. I really don’t mind. Or maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t like sharing food.” I assured him that was not the case. He then said, “well go ahead and try it then. I’m totally ok with it.” Again, no, thank you. I don’t want any of your fucking dessert. So I made up some bullshit about being really picky about my desserts. That just led to him asking what kind of desserts I like then. I got the feeling he was asking so he could commit it to his memory and make it for me at some point in the future. It would have been sweet if I wasn’t annoyed.
On to the theahtaahh for some Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan (Every year in Saskatoon they put on a couple of plays throughout part of July and August in a tent along the river. We saw As You Like It. The acting was fantastic!). We agreed to just take one car and he would drop me off at mine after the show. I had noticed his height the night before, and I didn’t know for sure, but I thought his profile claimed he was 6’3″. So I checked when I got home from our first date and yes, that is exactly what his profile claims. So as we were milling about the park waiting for the show to start, I took note of his height. Now, either I grew 3-4 inches, or he shrank. Because that man was MAYBE the same height as me. It’s possible he is even slightly shorter. My theory is that he shrank, considering his black corduroy pants were entirely too short for him and would have been better suited to a man of a larger stature and time travelling from the year 2000. I assume he wore his Sunday best because on date number one, he felt the need to mention the fact that he was wearing shorts on a date and felt a little weird about it, even though it was sweltering hot out.
We find our seats in the tent and there is not much room to move. But, the show isn’t sold out, so the people beside Jeremy move down a bit so they can have some room, and so we can have some room. I seem to be the only one who clues into this. According to Jeremy’s body language, his seat neighbours were poking him with fiery swords and threatening to take his life if he so much as even thinks about breathing in their general direction. The majority of the play took place just to our right. Jeremy leaned left. To compensate, I also leaned left (I probably should have apologized to the woman beside me for sitting in her lap throughout most of the play). Everytime I tried to adjust my seating so that we were touching as little as possible, he would just move closer. Have I mentioned that it was a little warm in the tent? Not terrible, but not like you want to be arm skin to arm skin and have to peel/slide your skin apart. And it turns out that he is one of those people who constantly looks at you every time something funny happens to see if you’re laughing too, and if the two of you have created one of life’s memorable moments. When he dropped me off at my car, I really wanted to tell him this was it. I don’t want to pursue anything further with him. But I couldn’t. He asked if he could kiss me. I said, “No.” I told him it was because I’d only met him twice, but I think we all know that’s not my general rule of thumb! I just couldn’t be cruel to this guy. Despite my lack of interest in him, he really is a sweet guy. He has a lot of qualities that I look for in men. But not enough of them to make me want him. He texted me later that evening and said again what a great time he had and how much he enjoyed my company (I didn’t think my company was that great), and that he hoped we could do it again. He also mentioned he hoped his inquiry didn’t change my mind about him. His “inquiry”? If I wasn’t sure before, I was sure then. I’m sure he was being concerned that he may have offended me, but it came across as being insecure. It was late and I didn’t respond.
As I said, he has some of the qualities I look for in men. He’s kind, polite, a gentleman, a good father, employed…but there were some things I didn’t like, and then all the little shit that I would have just overlooked become part of the reason I don’t like him. He told me he’s the kind of guy who likes his partner to pick whatever they want to do and he’ll do it. No thanks. He kept mentioning how he’ll do this or that when it’s “with the right person”. Like, going to a movie. He’ll go see any movie, as long as it’s with the right person. Or, going to a play is better when it’s with the right person. Or, he’s tired of doing things alone and wants to have the right person to do them with. He was trying to tell me in his oh-so-subtle way that he’s willing to do pretty much anything for “the right person.” And sounding like a desperate doormat in the process. He told me he has an off-beat, rank sense of humour. If he does, I didn’t experience it. There was no flirty banter. I need banter. My kingdom for some banter! His jokes were lame, and not in a cute way. I used my polite laugh. aha ha ha. Did I mention his sweet cords? He lied about his height. It’s a common occurence amongst men in the online dating world, but it’s usually only by an inch or so. Don’t lie about your height to someone who could put on a pair of heels and crush you. He’s technically still married, but legally separated for 4 years. He has 3 kids. His teeth are not the greatest, and I don’t like his facial hair. His hands were small. See? Now I’m just being picky. But I’m just not attracted to his personality or his physicality.
I should have just told him today. I chickened out. He likes me and there is nothing worse than wondering what the hell the other person is thinking. I did text him when I arrived back in Regina in response to his text from last night and assured him he hadn’t offended me in any way. But we didn’t talk about anything beyond how our days were. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will tell him I did not feel the chemistry I need in order to pursue a relationship with him. And hopefully he will find a woman who appreciates his particular charms.