So, I had a date tonight. It was this guy who messaged me a few weeks ago and bailed on our first date a half hour before we were supposed to meet. No apology. I was not impressed. He messaged me again two days later and I told him it was rude. He apologized and I decided to give him another shot. Some of his texts were a little off. Since I hadn’t met him, I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or just a Dick. I had to meet him to know for sure. I already knew that I wouldn’t be starting a serious relationship with this guy, but maybe we could have some fun when I’m in saskatoon. Nope. This guy is a fucking idiot.
We agreed on a time and place to meet. Some pub on Broadway at 5. I arrived first. He came in and just sat down, no nice to meet you or even making sure it was actually me. He did not pay for my 2 drinks. I said I wasn’t going to order anything to eat, but he went ahead and ordered lasagna. He asked me what I did all day in this shitty city. He’s originally from Ontario and moved here because the employment rate in Ontario is terrible. I told him. He them proceeded to spend the next hour or so bad-mouthing Saskatoon, Regina, Prince Albert (ok he may have been right about that one lol), and Saskatchewan in general. He showed me his Top Ten list of things that suck about Saskatchewan. He thought it was the greatest thing ever. It was stupid. A couple were funny, like how every chick is head to toe lupu lemon and there’s no taco bell, but the rest was fairly ignorant.
I was trying to come up with a good way to leave. But I didn’t want to be rude and leave before he had finished eating. Goddamn manners! At one point, he had a string of cheese hanging from his mouth all the way down his chin and dangling. It took a full minute for him to notice.
I played a drinking game by myself called “no, seriously”. He said it enough that I made up a game. We talked about the delicious brunch I went for earlier that day. The price of it came up (24$) and he asked if I was rich. Usually he eats brunch at Bonanza. Does everyone know what Bonanza is? Its a cheap buffet. Then he told me they probably serve the same stuff anyways.
During one of his rants about Saskatchewan, he suddenly asked if I was native. Umm, ok, excellent question, I’m glad he asked. Yes, I am partly native. “oh. My one friend just hates natives. I don’t have a problem with them, but you know what I don’t like?” and then he ranted about government programs.
Speaking of government programs, he finally asked me a question about myself regarding my work. Surprisingly, that lead into how he hates saskpower and what a terrible corporation they are and he’s never had such bad power service. Of course everything he compared it to was in Ontario.
Are you all aware that it is impossible to fish, camp, hunt, and picnic in Saskatchewan? I had no idea. Those activities are only available in Ontario.
The back of his hair at his neck stuck straight out and the rest was not purposely askew. It was messy. You know that thing where a person talks and you can see saliva strings behind their lips? He has that. So on top of him being obviously mentally challenged, he has that going for him.
Oh, I made a mental note of this story he told me so I could pass it along to you:
I lived on my friends porch for awhile and one day my friend called me and told me he rented the porch to a super hot chick instead and she agreed to pay $300 more than I was. So I rushed over there to check out this chick and he had torn the porch down. It was just a prank! Man!
Good story dude.
Or how about this gem he told me after ranting about how few women there are in Saskatoon:
I was at the beach with some buddies and these four chicks walked in. They knew every guy would be looking at them. So of course they sat down all in a row. One two three four. (I’m just as amazed as you that this guy can count) They had, like, 18 guys talking to them. And then these four ripped six pack black guys walked in and went right over to the girls. I just laughed at them all. Bunch of idiots! They’re. Stupid. I’d rather be gay then compete with all these guys for a girl.
We were mid conversation when he just got up from the table and went to the bathroom.
He had his cell phone on the table.
He did not make sure I was through the door before he let go.
And his parting words were “so, text me later if you want.”
Back off ladies, he’s all mine!