That Time I Tricked A Kid Into Believing Bjorkdale Water Makes A Person Short

I was at the farm this weekend and on Friday, I went to the neighbour’s 81st birthday. His eldest son was there with his girlfriend and her 13 year old son. As soon as I walked in, this kid said “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Garrett,” and stuck out his hand. So I shook his hand and told him my name. The next thing he said to me was, “You sure are tall. How many feet are you?” I told him I was 6 feet tall and then I kept walking. At this point, I’m just starting to think he’s a bit of a weird kid. As soon as my parents and I sit down in the livingroom, Garrett points out Allan (his mom’s bf) and tells me that Allan is his mom’s boyfriend and that even though Allan is 12 years older than his mom, he’s still her bf. Uh huh. Then he starts talking to me about the weather and how much it’s been raining out. Odd conversation started for a 13 year old. He gave me some facts on record rainfall numbers around the world. Some time passed where he went and played with the other kids, but it wasn’t that long before he was back. A spot opened up to me on the couch. Guess who sat there? This is where my earlier reference to his curiosity about my height comes in. He said something about how tall he was compared to the other kids in his class and that everyone in Bjorkdale seemed to be really short (he and his Mom moved to Bjorkdale sometime last year). I told him it was because of the water.

Garrett: Really?

Me: Yep, people who drink the water in Bjorkdale have growth problems and they don’t get very tall.

Garrett:  This sounds like a joke *looks at me with skepticism*

Me: Nope. Look at all the people in this room. They’re all short except for me and my Dad. You know why? B/c we have our own well on the farm. We didn’t drink the Bjorkdale water.

Garrett: *now a little unsure* Are you being serious?

Me: Oh yeah. It’s definitely the water. Ask Allan. I’ll ask him. Hey Allan, drinking Bjorkdale water makes people short, right?

Allan: *slight nod*

Me: See? It’s true.

I then got up to get another glass of wine and left Garrett to ponder this new knowledge.

A while later, Garrett comes up to me and our conversation goes like this…

Garrett: So Amy, I’ve been drinking the water for almost a year now. Do you think I’ll be ok?

Me: Yeah, I think you should be ok as long as you switch to bottled water right away. You don’t want to stop growing.

Garrett: No, I want to get taller. Ok, I won’t drink anymore of the water here. Only bottled water from now on.

Again, some time passes and I’m in the middle of a conversation when Garrett comes and stands right in front of me while I’m sitting on the couch. I ignore him for a bit and finally ask him what he wants. He asks me to go with him for a minute. So I follow him to the bedroom. He tells me there’s a game he likes to play with people he meets. This game involves me linking my fingers together and he puts his hand in between them and I have to squeeze his hand while he tries to pull it free. Weird game. But not as weird as the next one he wanted to play. That one involved the same concept,  but with me trying to hold his entire body while he tried to wiggle free. Uh, what? I refused that game and went back to my adult conversation.

Shortly after this, Garrett goes home and I say to my friend, “That is one weird fucking kid.” And she says to me, “Yeah, he has some form of autism and ADHD.” Whoops.

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One thought on “That Time I Tricked A Kid Into Believing Bjorkdale Water Makes A Person Short

  1. So while I read this, I stopped several times to laugh out loud… I was barley able to read on without laughing… then I read the last statements. I am still laughing… haha way to screw around with this child. Haha

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