Missed Connections

You know those messages people post on things like craigslist in the personals section about seeing someone and feeling a connection and just hoping that they’ll be perusing the personals hoping they caught someone’s eye that day? Like, “Hey, I saw you in the grocery store on Tuesday. You were wearing jeans and a pink t-shirt and buying grapes. Our eyes met. Call me.” This recent conversation on pof reminded me of those:

“Hi there. Friday afternoon between 1 and 1:30 I was at Grasswood Esso and was going in to pay for my gas and held the door for you as you were leaving. I thought you were very cute. My name is Dan. Nice to meet you. Have a great day!”

“I recognized you when I held the door open for you and remembered you from here. I always thought you were cute and sweet but was to shy to message, well that gave me a ice breaker lol. And your even cuter in person :)”

I can’t quite decide if it’s sweet or a little weird that he looked at my profile enough times to recognize me and then find me again and message me.


The Demise of CSP

I’m sure you all remember CSP (Captain Sweatpants). Well, I’ve been keeping him at a distance due to the goodbye mouth kissing and him saying things like “I want to go on a date with you”. I had sex with him a total of 3 times. 3. That’s it. Apparently 3 is the magic number and as far as casual sex goes, you shouldn’t have sex with someone more than 3 times. I’ve reached my CSP limit. The last time we hooked up was a couple weeks ago. He had been messaging me earlier in the evening and I got back to him around 130am. He woke up to my messages and came over at 2 even though he had to work at 630. Obviously he left shortly after the deed was done, but kissed me goodbye and said he really wants to start spending more time with me, not having sex. And then sent me a text apologizing for having to leave so quickly to go home to bed. I told him I didn’t think he left that quickly (really, he couldn’t leave quickly enough for me). He’s obviously a decent guy, but I know he’s not for me. This is our texting this week, word for word.


1446 Wasup sweetis I been missing u just think to give u a chat and see how u doing

1710 Wasup sweetis I been missing u just think to give u a chat and see how u doing

1815 Hey

1858 oh I see so are u back in town, sorry I was sleeping

1901 hope u have fun working and making money

2243 good night and thanks for not replying me back

2256 Henry, I don’t have to reply back to you on a certain timeline. We’re not dating. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t think we should. I had fun with the time we spent together, but I don’t want to lead you on.

2301 lol I know we not dating but I injoy my time with u and I love to spend more longer time with u then short time hope u aint mad at me.

2304 No, I’m not mad, but I don’t want the same things you do. And if you are wanting to spend time with me that doesn’t involve just having sex, I don’t think we should see each other at all. I don’t want to hurt you.

2307 ok that fine as for me I like to spend time with u too with our a sex

2320 me too done want to hurt u I need us to spend much more longer time together


0710 that’s what I’m trying to say…I won’t be the one to get hurt because I don’t want to spend time together.

0924 Baby u wont get hurt cause u don’t want to spend time with me…I do care about u that way I message u, and is not cause of sex I away.

0927 message u for I do want our relationship to be bettle and looking to spend good time with u apart from sex.

1121 I’m not worried about getting hurt. I don’t want to spend more time with you. I’m not interested in a relationship with you.

1126 we can be friend I think that will be ok for us

1128 we should go for coff when u not busy

1230 I will like to talke to u on the phone when are free is that ok with u.

1654 I’m away inSaskatoonmost of this week and next for work and then I’m on holidays for a couple weeks

1738 wow am happy to hear u have a one week holiday I think we will have chance to spend some good time toethere.

1739 I’m going away for my vacation

2117 oh I see sounds like a fun going for vacation


1425 hey am coming to toon on Friday

1431 I’m going to Stoon tomorrow and coming back Friday

1433 ok can I come with u I have to pick up some document if u don’t mind

1437 umm No, I’m going for work

1438 Ok

1510 I though u well in toon

1511 I will be

1514 So u going to toon tomorrow and come back Friday

1515 Yeah

1518 wow me too coming back Friday I just have to pick up some of my document

1519 cool

1521 Yeah can I get a ride with u please

1522 just ride lol

1523 Why don’t you drive yourself?

1524 My car have problem

1525 How were you going to get toSaskatoon then?

1526 Take the bus

I stopped talking to him at this point. We’re not friends, why would I give this guy a ride and have to sit in a car with him for a 5 hour round trip? I’m choosing to ignore him from this point on. He’s not getting it.

That Time I Tricked A Kid Into Believing Bjorkdale Water Makes A Person Short

I was at the farm this weekend and on Friday, I went to the neighbour’s 81st birthday. His eldest son was there with his girlfriend and her 13 year old son. As soon as I walked in, this kid said “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Garrett,” and stuck out his hand. So I shook his hand and told him my name. The next thing he said to me was, “You sure are tall. How many feet are you?” I told him I was 6 feet tall and then I kept walking. At this point, I’m just starting to think he’s a bit of a weird kid. As soon as my parents and I sit down in the livingroom, Garrett points out Allan (his mom’s bf) and tells me that Allan is his mom’s boyfriend and that even though Allan is 12 years older than his mom, he’s still her bf. Uh huh. Then he starts talking to me about the weather and how much it’s been raining out. Odd conversation started for a 13 year old. He gave me some facts on record rainfall numbers around the world. Some time passed where he went and played with the other kids, but it wasn’t that long before he was back. A spot opened up to me on the couch. Guess who sat there? This is where my earlier reference to his curiosity about my height comes in. He said something about how tall he was compared to the other kids in his class and that everyone in Bjorkdale seemed to be really short (he and his Mom moved to Bjorkdale sometime last year). I told him it was because of the water.

Garrett: Really?

Me: Yep, people who drink the water in Bjorkdale have growth problems and they don’t get very tall.

Garrett:  This sounds like a joke *looks at me with skepticism*

Me: Nope. Look at all the people in this room. They’re all short except for me and my Dad. You know why? B/c we have our own well on the farm. We didn’t drink the Bjorkdale water.

Garrett: *now a little unsure* Are you being serious?

Me: Oh yeah. It’s definitely the water. Ask Allan. I’ll ask him. Hey Allan, drinking Bjorkdale water makes people short, right?

Allan: *slight nod*

Me: See? It’s true.

I then got up to get another glass of wine and left Garrett to ponder this new knowledge.

A while later, Garrett comes up to me and our conversation goes like this…

Garrett: So Amy, I’ve been drinking the water for almost a year now. Do you think I’ll be ok?

Me: Yeah, I think you should be ok as long as you switch to bottled water right away. You don’t want to stop growing.

Garrett: No, I want to get taller. Ok, I won’t drink anymore of the water here. Only bottled water from now on.

Again, some time passes and I’m in the middle of a conversation when Garrett comes and stands right in front of me while I’m sitting on the couch. I ignore him for a bit and finally ask him what he wants. He asks me to go with him for a minute. So I follow him to the bedroom. He tells me there’s a game he likes to play with people he meets. This game involves me linking my fingers together and he puts his hand in between them and I have to squeeze his hand while he tries to pull it free. Weird game. But not as weird as the next one he wanted to play. That one involved the same concept,  but with me trying to hold his entire body while he tried to wiggle free. Uh, what? I refused that game and went back to my adult conversation.

Shortly after this, Garrett goes home and I say to my friend, “That is one weird fucking kid.” And she says to me, “Yeah, he has some form of autism and ADHD.” Whoops.