Go Away, Flu Devil

I have what I assume is the flu. I’ve been sick since Friday. I was going back and forth to Weyburn all week (roughly an hour away from home) for work and was dealing with some stress and anxiety and just got run down. As soon as I walked through my front door on Friday afternoon, I got the chills, a headache, and I couldn’t stand up anymore. I went straight to bed and slept for 15 hours. When I finally woke up, my sheets were soaked in sweat. Like, s-o-a-k-e-d. Not just damp. Dripping. Oh, and when I first fell asleep, I woke up 3 times covered in a drool. I was so tired that I fell asleep face first on my pillow with my mouth wide open. I had to turn the pillow each time. I briefly felt better on Saturday, but that was short-lived since I went out with some friends and ended up with the flu PLUS a hangover the next day. I haven’t puked against my will from alcohol for years, but being sick at the same time made it happen. Let me tell you, taco-in-a-bag is reallyunpleasant on the way up. I had to have a nap on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t move. It made for a nice little scene with me curled up, almost naked, my head on a towel, and my butt over the heat register. And the cat and dog cuddled next to me. I made it into work yesterday, but it was a long day. Today, I stayed home (and actually felt bad about it b/c I left my training partner to train all alone) and added the trots to my symptoms. I left the house momentarily to try and get food, but it became clear very quickly that I should not have been driving. Everything was so bright and it felt like stationary objects were moving around me. I can’t sleep at night because nightmares wake me up and then I start hallucinating about things in my bedroom. I haven’t really eaten for days, but I am staying hydrated.

Another thing: Remember this? Well, after 10 days of intense pms, and another week of minor, annoying pms, I finally got my period. It coincided with the flu. Winning.

I just want to feel better. You know what I don’t want? Some guy asking if he can come over and lay in bed with me. Seriously? I say I have the flu and his first thought is to see if he can take advantage seduce me in my weakened state? First of all, the last thing on my hurting brain is getting down when I can barely stand up. Secondly, even if I was ok with something ridiculous like flu sex, personal hygiene is not high on my list of priorities right now.

And now, I must die.

Wear Me Down

I had a date tonight. Just a first meet, a coffee date. With a guy from pof. You know, it’s interesting the men I choose to actually meet in person. It’s like I don’t choose them at all, they just wear me down (That’s how I discovered BSM). This guy has been asking me out for about 3 weeks. I cancelled on him yesterday, and almost did it again tonight, but figured, why not? All in all, it was a nice meeting. He was polite, had some funny moments, he paid for my tea, asked me questions, and complimented me.

So, let me tell you the reasons I won’t be dating him.

1. He wore sweat pants. Sure, they were nice sweat pants, but come on! You can at least throw on some jeans to meet Amy Campbell!

2. He ordered and ate wings. This would be fine if we were on a wing-night date. But we weren’t. It was messy and he shoved the whole wing in his mouth and pulled it out. And he talked with his mouth full. However, he does get credit for immediately excusing himself from the table when he was finished to go wash his hands and clean his teeth.

3. Although I understood most of what he said, he had an accent and spoke in a low voice so I didn’t always catch what he was saying. I admit, there were a few times I was just smiling and nodding.

4. He went on waaayyyy too long about a story involving him working in Edmonton and his boss not paying him so he had to quit.

5. At the end of our 40-minute date, he walked me to my car and asked if he could sit in it with me for a few minutes before he went home. I said no.

On the otherhand, he is pretty good-looking and I suspect has a rockin’ bod under those sweatpants….

Super Sync

I’ve had pms for a week now. A freaking week. On Monday I was irritable and my stomach was upset, on Tuesday I was hungry. Really hungry. I wanted sweets and I don’t care for sweets that much. And still irritable. On Wednesday my skin broke out horribly. And I was still hungry and irritable. Thursday and Friday I felt bloated. And obviously irritable. Not so hungry though. Cramps knocked me out on Saturday. I almost never get cramps, and if I do, they certainly aren’t anything I need to be a pussy about. But I could not sit comfortably and every slight movement made me jump out of my seat. It felt like I needed to start pushing out a baby. I even went to the bathroom to try, just in case. It turns out that made it worse. I just wanted someone to cut out my vagina and everything associated with it. Just reach up and rip that uterus right the fuck out of me. Did I mention I was hungry and irritable? Sunday…cramps and breast tenderness. Today, a little of everything.  And there’s still no goddamn blood! Where’s the uterine lining that nature demands I shed after fucking me around for a week?! WHERE IS IT???

Throughout the week, I found out that at least 3 of my girlfriends also started their periods, and a couple of those friends had friends who started theirs. One of my girlfriends who normally gets rank cramps didn’t have them this time around. I’m the oppostie of a Dementor. I eat pain.

There can only be one of two possibilities at this point….I’m the ultimate empathizer, OR, pregnant.

 

A Love Letter

Thanks POF men for being so awesome. Honesty is a great quality to have. I’m talking about you, looking4puss. Obviously I will assist you with whatever your fantasy is, given that I’m “damn sexy” and you’re “moving soon so I won’t have to put up with you for long”. I especially love your profile picture that features 8 men and 6 women. I love a good guessing game. I really hope you’re the guy who looks like he’s dropping a deuce in the back. Now, let’s get this short-lived, but passionate love affair started!

All my love (and puss),

Amy