You Can’t Choose Your Family

I’m not gonna lie, my brother is a dumbass.

I don’t feel like giving too much background information on him right now, but I do want to rant about him. I spent one day with him. Not even a full 24 hours. It was around 9-10 hours. And that was all I could handle. Admittedley, he does have some redeeming qualitites, but he keeps those hidden most of the time.

David is a giant bullshiter. So much of what has come out of his mouth in the past has been either a lie or half-truth, and that makes it really, really hard to take him seriously. Especially when he has a captive audience who doesn’t call him on anything. Like my younger cousins. Yesterday, he was telling them about the first time he ever got beaten up by 5 guys. Yes, the first time. He also told them he’s been stabbed 3 times, and he definitely prefers getting beaten up. I also heard him telling them about the time he went to Mexico. This is the first time I’ve ever heard of him going to Mexico. Oh, he also mentioned that he’s not allowed to leave Canada either. The worst part is, although I don’t believe all his stories, none of them would surprise me if they were true. I just rolled my eyes and went and poured myself another glass of wine.

It was on our way home from the lake that I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. We did the annual “Twinkle Tour” through town and were driving by the parents of one of my brother’s old high school friends. He wondered if his friend was home and I said he sure is, I can see him standing outside right there.

David:Look at those guys, smoking a joint without me!

Me: Holy you talk a lot.

David: YOU talk a lot.

Me: No, I really don’t.

David: What’s your issue with me?

Me: Really? You really needed to make a comment about drugs?

David: mumble mumble mumble

There is a time and a place for a comment like that, and in the truck, with your family, while driving around looking at Christmas light, is not the time, nor the place. It’s just one of those things he says, in the hopes of impressing someone. And who was there to impress? Mom? Dad? Me? Oh David, you’re so worldly and cool. Tell me more about how awesome you are.

My brother doesn’t have a vehicle at the moment so he was wondering how he was going to get back to Tisdale, where he’s been living, the next day. Dad said someone would drive him back in the morning. I think he had to work this morning or something. It’s only a 20 minute drive, but no one really wanted to do it after all that food and drink and in the dark. He seemed ok with it. But that was before I showed my distaste. As soon as we got home, he made some calls and informed us someone was going to pick him up shortly. I hope his early departure wasn’t on account of me *halo*

Did I mention that he didn’t give anyone Christmas gifts? Even though I always have something for him, and so do Mom and Dad. Clearly Christmas isn’t about getting things, and I never expect anything from anyone. If I want to give a gift, I’ll give it. For whatever reason. But my brother is a different story. The only time he’s ever given us gifts is when he was married. And that was because his wife bought and wrapped them. But he has no problem showing up for meals and gifts, and then acting like a douche who thinks the whole world is against him and owes him something.

Rant over.

I’m Not Gonna Lie…

Why the hell would you need to tell people you aren’t going to lie? This phrase drives me crazy! Urban Dictionary defines it as this:
“One of the gayest expressions commonly used today. Often used before stating something obvious or something that no one would bother to lie about. This expression is over used and almost always makes the user look like a douche.”
-I’m not gonna lie, that movie was terrible.
A lot of my friends say this on a regular basis. People I work with say it. Strangers say it. I started reading a new blog the other day and had to stop because 4 posts in a row contained this phrase. I have even caught myself saying it once or twice because it is so prevalent in my environment, and I immediately slapped myself.
Who started this?!