What Kind of Dumbass Shops On Christmas Eve?


I am a procrastinator:  It’s Christmas and I just finished my shopping today. I really only buy for my parents, my brother, and maybe a couple other little things, and I did my shopping yesterday and today. Except that yesterday, everything was so busy that, had I had a toothbrush in my purse, I would have fashioned it into a shiv and gone all “Oz” on strangers. I almost drove away from the Walmart parking lot as soon as I entered it. But I desperately needed toilet paper. Like, totally gone, forced into using fancy, 3-ply tissue from a limited edition box designed by Umbra. And I just can’t justify using that on my ass, as dainty as it obviously is. So, I found a parking spot somewhere over in the next town, walked for half a day, and finally made it into Walmart. My intentions were to pick up some tp, grab a movie for my brother, a Wii for my parents, tape for wrapping said gifts, and get the hell out. I managed to walk out with toilet paper and a movie (and a few other random items I picked up along the way). The electronics section was ridiculous and so many people were touching me! I could feel my head about to explode from anxiety, so I made a mad dash to checkout and was able to make my purchases after standing in line for a mere half hour. Since Walmart is open 24 hours right now, I decided I’d take a shot at it before leaving for work the next morning and I would spend my evening doing laundry and wrapping what gifts I did have. Hey, remember that tape I was supposed to buy? Fuck.

Today: I got up at 5 o’fucking’clock. I made it to Walmart by 540 and went straight to the electronics section. Guess what? Sold out of Wii’s. And thanks to a late message from my friend Angela last night, I already knew the other 24 hour Walmart was sold out as well. So now what? I wander around, looking for something for my parents. I really should have had a backup plan, especially considering I work 7am-7pm both today and tomorrow and nothing will be open when I’m off work. I didn’t see anything for my Dad, but I picked up a heated blanket for my mom. Not the greatest, but it would have to do in case I couldn’t figure something else out. I paid and left (once more forgetting to buy tape). Then I remembered that Shopper’s Drug Mart is also open 24 hours. I had some time to kill before I had to be at work yet, so I decided to check it out. They had some Wii’s in stock! Yay! And I remembered to buy tape! And I earned some points for buying it there! I’m a points whore. To be honest, I had thought of buying the Wii at Shopper’s before this point, but I’ve been kind of waiting for a points event where I could earn 15x the points or something along those lines. I had to settle for standard point earning this morning 😦 Anyways, they had the Wii, but not the game I wanted. So back to Walmart with me! I figured I may as well return the blanket while I was there.

Walmart, take 2: I walk in and the greeter informs me that customer services doesn’t open until 7 and it’s only 620. I work at 7 so no luck on returning it this morning. They close at 6 today and I work until 7. No luck on returning it tonight either. Great. So he sticks a sticker on the blanket so I don’t appear to be stealing it when I leave the store later since I’m obviously not going to trek it back out to my car and then come back in to buy a game. I go to electronics. Again. There is a sales associate just finishing getting a game out for another customer and he turns to me. Our conversation goes like this…

SA: Can I help you find something?

Me: Yeeessss….I need a game for the Wii.

SA: Ok, what game.

Me: I’m not sure.

SA: (exasperated) Well what’s it called?!

Me: (glowering) I.don’t.know. I haven’t chosen one yet. I just walked in.

SA: *sigh*

Ok, dude, this would be an opportune time to excuse yourself and inform me that you’re going to ring the other woman through while I have a look and you’ll be back. It’s cool. There are only the 2 of us in your entire section. No? You want to wait there and stare at me instead? Ok, that’s cool too.

I decide on some dancing game and the 3 of us walk up to the till while he apologizes to the other woman for having to wait. When it’s my turn to pay for my item, the sales associate notices the blanket I’m carrying. And that conversation went a little something like this:

SA: Is that blanket a gift?

Me: What? Oh, no, it’s a return.

SA: We don’t do that here! You have to do that up front!

Me: (blank stare) I.know. I’m not trying to return it here. But customer service isn’t open until 7 so the greeter put this sticker on it so I could carry it around while I shopped.

SA: Oh, ok. Sorry, that’s just our standard answer. I’m almost done my shift and I’m tired.

Me: Merry Christmas.

Tonight I will wrap everything. Oh, and while writing this, I’ve just realized that I forgot to pick up something for the family gift exchange on Boxing Day. Whoops. I’m sure I have something kicking around that I can throw in the mix. Remember my lament about not being home for Christmas? Well, my aunt has decided to wait until Boxing Day to cook her turkey and we’ll do a family celebration then instead of tomorrow. Yay for me!

4 thoughts on “What Kind of Dumbass Shops On Christmas Eve?

  1. Lol. That’s so awesome that you got your parents a Wii! The mental image I have of them playing it is pretty hilarious. Can you put the blanket in the family gift exchange?? Have a great time at the farm. Merry Christmas!!

    • I will try and take some pictures of them playing it!
      No, it was $100 blanket, so about 5 times the limit of the exchange lol I’ll just return it when I get back from the farm. I almost lost the receipt for it when I was at Shopper’s too. And that would have been tragic since Walmart will only let you exchange for the same item now without a receipt!

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