Online Opening Lines

These are some of my favourites from the last 3 weeks. (Check this out for some past favs.) Some of them I responded to, some I didn’t. Sometimes I just can’t help myself if I think the follow-up messages will amuse me. I just copied and pasted so everything is exactly as I received it.

“i’m hard for u now” (*swoon*)

“how u doing” (Always a classic.)

“Hi, I can see you are a tall beautiful lady and I like ladies of your size. But unfortunately I dropped u a line last time and got no reply,let me hope this follow-up will do the magic. You have a great profile that portrays a lady with a large heart and I like that. Please drop drop me a line. Thanks” (I didn’t message him back this time either. I generally don’t when they tell me they like my size. It feels too fetishy and it’s not complimentary.)

“ok so your frist wish came threw what’s you second one” “What was my first wish?” “I’m your frist one lol” (Cheesy, but kinda cute. Too bad his follow-up sucked.)

“33wm looking to chat and possibly have fun-tell me more about tall curvy you and i’ll tell you about me.but damn girl your hot,a true queen in the queen city…damn”

“Hey uu……”

“hi i was wondering if you are down for some sexual fun this evening” (Hells yea! How did this guy know I was a superslut?!)

“Hello babe, got any whip cream to whoop dat azz lol” (This is from the same guy who sent the message above. I didn’t respond to the first and he still sent me a second. I’m not sure how he was going to “whoop” my “azz” with whip[ped] cream, but it sounds messy. And I’m not even sure I have an “azz” to “whoop”.)
“was up” (Ok, now I know not everyone is strong with spelling and grammar, but come on! If you are going to message a woman with a super lame line that is better suited to greeting your buddy on the phone, at least spell it correctly. Was up? Was up what? Was up on the roof earlier today when you fell off and suffered a head injury? Wassup?)

“hey you…are you up for a wild webcam show today??? ;)” (I did message this guy back asking him what kind of wild things he’d be doing and he said anything I wanted.)

“Your nice an thick!!!” (This guy can’t spell “and”, doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, and had 3 semi-nude pictures on his profile. Obviously a guy like this has only shirtless pictures. Two were of his face and chest and the third picture was a closeup shot of his dick underneath his tighty-whitey’s. Fully erect. Be still my beating heart.)

Some of these men gave these names to themselves…Bite4fun, Dammmm, Loverboi. I know, right? How lucky am I to be messaged by only the best of the best of the online dating pool?!


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