Let’s See Where This Goes

Speaking of that fun little night (if you’ve read my previous post), it was pretty interesting. My friend Rachel and I started out at Gabbo’s, stopped briefly at Sparky’s, moved on to The King’s Head Tavern, and almost went to Lulu. For those of you not from Regina, it would be the Hollywood dating equivalent of starting with Sean Combs when he was Puff Daddy and dating JLo, a slight detour at Macaulay Culkin, staying way too long with Charlie Sheen, and narrowly avoiding Gary Busey.

Gabbo’s was fun. It was their Comedy Grind night which is all local comics going up and strutting their funny stuff (if you’re in Regina, totally go and check them out one weekend). We’re friendly with them so we continued on with them to Sparky’s for some karaoke, but it was quite busy so King’s Head it was to see if their karaoke lineup was any less. (Let me preface this bar by saying the last time I was there, a man showed me his penis. Sure, I asked him to, but who actually does that?) Now, when we walked in, an old man who was a dead ringer for Blue from “Old School”, immediately started hitting on Rachel and made her feel like she needed to rezip her coat. We moved across the room and the women in the bar were definitely sizing us up. I’m sure we would have been fine if we had been wearing hoodies and sneakers and no makeup, but we were in jeans and blouses and our makeup was tasteful and our hair wasn’t permed, bleached, or teased to be double it’s regular size.

We managed to find a table next to a group of people who appeared to range in age from about 55-65. They were very welcoming. At first. The male comedians at our table left to go scout out Lulu and left us to fend for ourselves. It wasn’t long before we noticed the creeps staring and then eventually start talking to us. Most of the group at the table next to us had gone out to smoke and mingle and get drinks so it was just the one man left. He sidled up to me and said (I’ll never forget this, it was so sweet and heartwarming), he said “I don’t know why they call women the weaker sex. Look at you! I like the big girls.” Back off ladies, this one is mine!

He then told us his name and the story behind it. When he was a little boy and going to school, an older boy stole something from his lunch. He got really mad and scratched the heck out of his face and earned the nickname “Cat”. And it’s apparently stuck for the last 50+ years. Oh, did I mention that he was missing teeth and when he laughed, he also stuck his tongue out? You should have a pretty good mental picture of this guy by now. So, he moves back to his own table, but then calls out to me, “Amy! Do you like Elvis? I’m going to sing an Elvis song.” I think we all know where this is going next. Yes, the next name called for karaoke was Cat’s and yes, he did dedicate his song to me. This caused a bit of a reaction from one of the women he had been sitting with. Again, 50+ year old woman comes over to us and starts wagging her finger at me saying things like “I see what you’re doing,” “I know what you’re doing,” “Don’t do that”, etc. At first, I thought perhaps she was warning me about Cat, but it became clear very quickly that she was threatening me. I guess she felt it was a real possibility that I was seducing this man with missing teeth, a smokey laugh full of tongue, a man who was old enough to be my father, and who people simply called “Cat”. My bad. We high-tailed it out of there before any shanking started.

I had an equally exciting evening the night before with a slightly rape-y vibe to it. I’m starting to see that I’m the common denominator in these crazy nights I end up with. Rachel summed it up best when she said (and I paraphrase), “Most people would just dismiss the weird people who approach you and not talk to them, but you…you always think, let’s just see where this goes. Maybe there’s some form of amusement for me in talking to this person.”

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