The Moment Passes

You know that feeling when the moment passes and it’d be too awkward to do what you wanted to do after that point?

During my first year of university (way back in 1999/2000), I was friendly with a girl in my intro psych lab. You know, the kind of friendly where you say hello and compare answers and stuff like that. It’s not like we hung out or anything. The next semester I signed up for some class that I don’t even remember anymore. It may have been art 100. It’s not important. The important thing is that a few classes in, my casual lab buddy recognized me and sat down beside me and started chatting. The class was 3 times a week and we sat together every day. I realized almost immediately that I did not know her name. I’m not sure if I couldn’t remember it of if I’d just never known it in the first place. I spent that whole first class sitting with her trying to remember it. No luck. I let it go. It felt like the moment where I could have apologized for not remembering her name and asking for it again had passed. But I wasn’t worried. In 2 months of classes, she never once used my name so I figured we were in the same boat. I was wrong. Towards the end of the semester, she says to me, “Hey Amy, I’m having a candle party next week. Would you like to come?” Fuck. She did know my name! Now what? “Sure buddy! I’d love to! What’s your address and phone number? Wait, on second thought, you’d better write it down for me.” So she wrote her info down for me, complete with her name. Tanya. Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. I think she may have suspected that I did not know her name.

Today at work we ordered some hot and sour soup and some fresh rolls for lunch (mmmmmmm). I ran out to pick it up. On my way out of the restaurant, a woman was just walking in and I knew who she was almost instantly, but I could not remember her name for the life of me. I don’t know if she recognized me or not. We worked together back in 2004 and I haven’t seen her since. I did have her phone number at one time, but that was about 5 phones ago. Anyways, I didn’t say anything, but by the time I had started driving away, I had remembered her name. Joan. But, the moment had passed. I did not drive back to the restaurant. I wish I had remembered her name when I saw her though, or just said hello anyways. I had always liked Joan. She’s got a wicked, dirty sense of humour.

An Unexpected Fit

I was getting ready for work today and grabbed a pair of jeans out of my closet. They were a little tight and so my immediate thought was, “Fuck.” (based on my assumption that I was wearing one of the pairs of size 22 jeans I had bought in September). But I was running late and didn’t have time to change. It wasn’t until I got to work and used the bathroom that I realized I was wearing a pair of my roommate Tricia’s jeans that are too big for her, but almost fit me perfectly! Size 20. AND the scale hasn’t really been moving. AND I’m on my period.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

He Was a Friend of Mine

Over the course of the last year, I’ve known 3 people who have had a loved one suffer a diabetes-related death. My heart aches thinking about them and reminds me of my own losses over the last 6 or so years. This song is for my cousin Keane who lost his best friend, my friend Dan who also lost his best friend, and my friend and fellow blogger Wendy who lost the love of her life.

He was a friend of mine
Every time I think of him
I just can’t keep from cryin’
‘Cause he was a friend of mine

He died on the road
He died on the road
He just kept on moving
Never reaped what he could sow
And he was a friend of mine

I stole away and cried
I stole away and cried
‘Cause I never had too much money
And I never been quite satisfied
And he was a friend of mine

He never done no wrong
He never done no wrong
A thousand miles from home
And he never harmed no one
And he was a friend of mine

He was a friend of mine
He was a friend of mine
Every time I hear his name Lord
I just can’t keep from cryin’
‘Cause he was a friend of mine

Horror Movie Sunday

I was on midnights all weekend (7pm-7am) so I didn’t do a whole heck of a lot. Mainly worked and slept. My last shift was Sunday so Rachel and I made plans for after I/we woke up. We went to Subway for lunch. I had a yummy footlong turkey and ham, no cheese sub. mmmm Subway. Totally left my coupons at home though so we both had to pay full price. She told me all about her weekend which had included seeing William Shatner on Friday night. He was passing through Regina on his tour and if anyone loves Shatner, it’s Rachel. You should see her Captain’s Pose 😉 From there we went back to my place to watch scary movies. We started with Grace. We didn’t know this at the time, but the movie was filmed in Regina. It wasn’t exactly scary, but it was definitely fucked up. A woman delivers her stillborn baby and loves her back to life. But it’s clear that the baby is still dead and lives on blood rather than milk. You know how men feel the pain of watching videos of other men get hit in the groin? Well, there were a lot of moments in this movie that I would classify as the female equivalent with breasts.

Next was the remake of Nightmare on Elm St. I had mistakenly bought it, not really looking at the cover. We wanted something to really scare us. This did not. It sucked. Hard. Sure, I jumped a couple of times. I always do. But I wasn’t scared. I have nightmares quite easily after watching scary movies, and I had none last night. Fail.

From there we went to Wok Box (which Rachel thought meant Edo, even though Wok Box was her suggestion) and picked up some yummy eats (Butter Chicken for me) on our way to her boyfriend’s house for a couple more movies. 30 Days of Night was first. I.Love.this.movie. I know some people hate it, but I don’t care. The vampires are intense. I saw it twice in the theatre and own a copy of it. I know what is going to happen and I still jump.

We ended the night with Doom. It was good, I enjoyed it. I doubt I’ll ever watch it again though. I didn’t like the videogame style at the end, and I don’t like Dwayne Johnson.

I was a little tense and jumpy on my drive home. But not bad. I think I need to watch something really really scary. Suggestions?

The Great Bathing Suit Battle

Who hates shopping for and/or wearing a bathing suit? Yep, just as I thought. Everyone. I think I have a slightly warped view of myself where I don’t think I look too terrible in a bathing suit, but then again, I try to pick flattering ones and I don’t over-scrutinize. But even so, trying to find a bathing suit is almost impossible. As a plus size woman, I have to worry about all kinds of things. Clearly I’m not going to be wearing a bikini. I don’t think that I would wear one even if (when, I mean when) I were thin. But not because you think. I’m not worried about hiding a little leftover tummy. I’m 6 feet tall, so when I grew, it all happened relatively fast. Puberty, height, weight gain…all that lead to some pretty impressive stretch marks. They’ve faded, but I was really embarassed by them in high school. More than once I was asked in the change room what had happened. It looked like Freddie Krueger had run his hands down my torso in the throes of passion and then lightly caressed my hips. One of the reasons I quit taking gym after grade 10. I don’t care about them so much now and have very little problem changing in front of anyone, but still, I don’t want them on display on a beach. And who knows what they’ll look like without all the extra weight too. I could end up with horizontal washboard abs. On the otherhand, I can’t wait to wear a retro, high waisted bikini. That thought makes me happy 🙂

I’ve drifted a little again. Back to my original thought. Shopping for a bathing suit sucks (Advice: 3 Way mirrors are your frenemy. Tread lightly). First of all, I want to find something that fits. This is a challenge with my height. Most one pieces aren’t long enough for my torso so what inevitably ends up happening is flat boobs and butt floss. Not to mention the epic camel toe. So one pieces are generally out. Which is really a shame because there are some super cute suits out there these days. So I’m left to finding separates. Which I don’t mind too much. Except when the tops are too short again. If I were to wear one of those, you might as well photoshop me into a “People of Walmart” photo and send it around in an email to all your contacts. So I have to find something that fits, but is still cute. I have a couple bottoms and a couple tops at the moment, but I have a feeling the one set is going to be too big for me for sure. It was already a little big back in April when I wore it last. In fact, when I was playing in the ocean, a wave pants me. I’m not sure if the sun or my ass was brighter that day. In any case, you shouldn’t look directly at either.

Next, of course, is trying to find a suit that hides my hips, thighs, upper arms, stomach, that weird above-stomach torso roll, and makes my tits look so great that the rest doesn’t matter. These might be as close as I get…

There isn’t a whole lot out for swimwear at the moment in the few plus size stores in Regina so I’ve been scouring the online sites. Unfortunately, I only have 9 business days for something to get here if I order it. And most of the sites ship out of the US, so even if I choose a rush delivery, there’s still a chance of delay at customs. Dilema. I’m still deciding if I should risk something not getting here and order it anyways, or if I should just go with what I already have. Or hope that in the next couple weeks, the retail store I work at will get some in stock. I would really rather try swimsuits on in a store than try and order something that will fit properly and look good. Hmmm…..

Vacation and Weight Loss

So, I’m going to Mexico! I’ll be in Nuevo Vallarta from the 4th to the 11th of next month and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been to Mexico twice before and I’ve never really cared what I ate or drank while there, and I don’t want to stray too much from that mentality, but I also don’t want to take too many steps back. I’ve got less than two weeks before departure and my plan is to really get back into a good eating and exercise routine so that while I’m there, it’ll already be on my mind and I won’t derail myself.

I’m an adventurous eater and will try almost anything at the buffet, especially things that look like something I would never be able to find back home. Last time I went, I really noticed that I wasn’t over-eating too terribly, but what I would do is try a little bit of everything. What that meant was, my stomach had no idea wtf was happening and rebelled against me at least 4 of the 7 days I was there. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes and still eat what I want, but not all at once. Do I really need to have a couple bites of seafood, beef, chicken, AND pork for supper? Probably not.

I really don’t think I’m interested in going to the gym while I’m there, but possibly a walk or two on the beach. What do you all do on vacation? Any little tips that help you keep close to your at-home path?

Let’s See Where This Goes

Speaking of that fun little night (if you’ve read my previous post), it was pretty interesting. My friend Rachel and I started out at Gabbo’s, stopped briefly at Sparky’s, moved on to The King’s Head Tavern, and almost went to Lulu. For those of you not from Regina, it would be the Hollywood dating equivalent of starting with Sean Combs when he was Puff Daddy and dating JLo, a slight detour at Macaulay Culkin, staying way too long with Charlie Sheen, and narrowly avoiding Gary Busey.

Gabbo’s was fun. It was their Comedy Grind night which is all local comics going up and strutting their funny stuff (if you’re in Regina, totally go and check them out one weekend). We’re friendly with them so we continued on with them to Sparky’s for some karaoke, but it was quite busy so King’s Head it was to see if their karaoke lineup was any less. (Let me preface this bar by saying the last time I was there, a man showed me his penis. Sure, I asked him to, but who actually does that?) Now, when we walked in, an old man who was a dead ringer for Blue from “Old School”, immediately started hitting on Rachel and made her feel like she needed to rezip her coat. We moved across the room and the women in the bar were definitely sizing us up. I’m sure we would have been fine if we had been wearing hoodies and sneakers and no makeup, but we were in jeans and blouses and our makeup was tasteful and our hair wasn’t permed, bleached, or teased to be double it’s regular size.

We managed to find a table next to a group of people who appeared to range in age from about 55-65. They were very welcoming. At first. The male comedians at our table left to go scout out Lulu and left us to fend for ourselves. It wasn’t long before we noticed the creeps staring and then eventually start talking to us. Most of the group at the table next to us had gone out to smoke and mingle and get drinks so it was just the one man left. He sidled up to me and said (I’ll never forget this, it was so sweet and heartwarming), he said “I don’t know why they call women the weaker sex. Look at you! I like the big girls.” Back off ladies, this one is mine!

He then told us his name and the story behind it. When he was a little boy and going to school, an older boy stole something from his lunch. He got really mad and scratched the heck out of his face and earned the nickname “Cat”. And it’s apparently stuck for the last 50+ years. Oh, did I mention that he was missing teeth and when he laughed, he also stuck his tongue out? You should have a pretty good mental picture of this guy by now. So, he moves back to his own table, but then calls out to me, “Amy! Do you like Elvis? I’m going to sing an Elvis song.” I think we all know where this is going next. Yes, the next name called for karaoke was Cat’s and yes, he did dedicate his song to me. This caused a bit of a reaction from one of the women he had been sitting with. Again, 50+ year old woman comes over to us and starts wagging her finger at me saying things like “I see what you’re doing,” “I know what you’re doing,” “Don’t do that”, etc. At first, I thought perhaps she was warning me about Cat, but it became clear very quickly that she was threatening me. I guess she felt it was a real possibility that I was seducing this man with missing teeth, a smokey laugh full of tongue, a man who was old enough to be my father, and who people simply called “Cat”. My bad. We high-tailed it out of there before any shanking started.

I had an equally exciting evening the night before with a slightly rape-y vibe to it. I’m starting to see that I’m the common denominator in these crazy nights I end up with. Rachel summed it up best when she said (and I paraphrase), “Most people would just dismiss the weird people who approach you and not talk to them, but you…you always think, let’s just see where this goes. Maybe there’s some form of amusement for me in talking to this person.”

Update

I’ve been really busy lately between work and family and friend obligations and hangouts, so I haven’t had a whole lot of time for blogging. I’m setting aside some time right now (at work lol) to read and I can’t wait to get caught up with all of you!

Here’s what’s been going on with me:

I’ve decided my big 30th birthday celebration is going to be in Mexico instead of Vegas. After a lot of planning, vacation site watching, emails, texts, bbms, etc, Vegas just wasn’t looking like the best option in terms of flights, price, and timeline. I still plan on going, but sometime next year instead of right now. I ended up stumbling upon a really good deal to Nuevo Vallarta. We’re going to be staying at Marival Resort and Suites for about $860 per person. Great deal, right?! I know, hard to pass up. So we’re booked and ready to go!

Now, let me tell you about the drama surrounding this trip. You already know part of it based on this, but that wasn’t the end of the drama. I had decided that maybe I should give it another shot instead of icing her out and see if she wanted to talk over a bottle of wine. But then she messaged me and this was a piece of our last conversation after she “apologized” to me when I called her out on booking a separate trip. An apology with a “but” in it is not an apology.
Amy Danger: Your answer about work is bullshit. I told you what weekend it was going to be, and if you conveniently forgot, you could have asked. The only time off you woud need with me is the monday you just told me you could get off. Not only that, you had the nerve to ask my best friend to go with you! Your head has really been up your ass lately and I’d like to think that you’re sincere, but your inability to consider anyone’s feeling but your own really make me doubt you.
Amy Danger: I don’t think you should talk to me until you’ve re-evaluated some of your priorities and stop always trying to find greener grass. None of your friends appreciate it and although I care about you, I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t seem to care about hurting my feelings.
Amy Danger: And its not just about a trip to vegas. Its my birthday. A trip we’ve been planning for a year and you’ve been consistently telling me how excited you are about it and how much fun we were going to have. I’m really disapponted in you.

We haven’t spoken since.

(I’m having a bad few months here. Normally this bullshit is not in my personal realm.) Just last weekend I was complaining about how stressful it was getting to try and find a trip that fit everyone’s time and budget, and a friend of mine said to me, ‘you know, I’d really like to go to Vegas for your birthday. It makes sense. You’ve already been to Mexico, you’ve been planning for Vegas, and honestly, laying on a beach all day doesn’t interest me that much. BUT, it’s your birthday, pick whatever you want to do and I’m good with that.’ Fast forward to last night when I message her and say that I’ve decided on Mexico. Imagine my surprise when she says, ”No, I won’t be going to Mexico.” Umm…what? So I told her if she was worried it’d be all beach laying, that’s not the case. And there’s tons of adventures to take while you’re in Mexico, we can do all kinds of things besides lay on the beach. I also made the point that she had said she was good with whatever. Her response to that was to say she wanted me to pick whatever I really wanted to do for my birthday. Right. So I said I was disappointed, but that I couldn’t make her come with me.

This morning, I messaged her again saying it was her last chance, prices had dropped and we were about to book it, so if she was at all interested, now was the time. Now, I know it’s hard to read into text messages. You can’t really tell tone, but all her responses through the whole thing have been very short, almost curt, and with no explanation of anything. So at this point, I’m feeling a little hurt. I thought it would be fun to organize a trip and get a bunch of friends together to celebrate my birthday and just have a great time. The location was kind of secondary. Apparently not. I mean, I know it’s been a lot of back and forth and maybe we’ll do this and maybe we’ll do that, but I was trying to accomodate everyone .

Now, onto the next bit. This friend has been also been saying for the last year that she’d really like to go. And we’ve been talking about it and she’s always been really excited. I’ve been reminding her along the way that she needs to get a passport. I’ve been keeping her up to speed with details over the past couple weeks, but I had this sneaking suspicion that she hadn’t actually done anything about it yet. So when I asked her about it yesterday, she admitted that she hadn’t even applied for her passport yet, so I offered to help her get the application in and told her there was a fee she could pay to have it rushed. She seemed pumped about that, but then I never heard any more about it. I was fed up by this time. Needless to say, she’s not coming.

I’m really annoyed and hurt by it all. I haven’t expressed myself to them about it yet. One of them reads this blog, so I guess she’s going to see this. I couldn’t not write about it though. I need to get it all out. I feel like it’s not important (and I’m not important) enough to them to not ditch out at the last minute and for them not to talk to me about it…well wtf! They know all about my other friend’s dick move in booking a separate trip to vegas and then they pull this! These are some of my best friends, they aren’t just casual acquaintances who were invited along for the ride. I’m feeling the shaft. And not in the fun, put-it-where-you-want kind of way.

Let’s see…what else is happening in my life? My second job is going good. I really enjoy it most of the time. It’s at a retail store where I get 50% off which is really nice. Plus, I get to dress up and do my hair and makeup every time I go in. It’s expected. It’s a nice change from my fulltime job which is really casual most of the time.

I’ve been drinking way too much when I drink lately. There are so many things I don’t remember. Luckily most of the next morning stories are funny, but once in awhile, I get mouthy and say hurtful things. I was informed I did this the other weekend to a very good friend of mine. I was glad she told me though. It gave me an opportunity to apologize and really consider why I drank to that point. And the next time we went out, I kept it at a fun and happy level and we had a fun little night. I’ll tell you more about that in my next post.

I’m also pursuing a certificate in Adult Education. It’s just 3 days a month until March and I think I will continue with it after and end up with a diploma. I’m hoping it will open some doors for me career-wise. I’m feeling a little stagnant with work. The shifts are getting to me, and there is always some level of unrest these days.

Health and weight-wise, I’ve been seriously slacking. I was momentarily back on track, but the last couple of weeks, I just haven’t even cared. I haven’t been weighing myself, I haven’t been tracking my food or following my own rules, and I definitely haven’t been exercising. I don’t think I’m doing terrible, but I’m just not doing anything.  Thankfully I have an amazing support system between you readers and the girlfriends I have who are on the same journey. You are all a constant source of inspiration and motivation and competition. When I see someone else losing weight each week, it makes me get up and do something, even if it’s only for a day or two before I lose motivation and have to start again the next week.

So, that’s the long and short of it. Stay tuned for more!

As a footnote, I almost didn’t include all the information that I did, but writing is how I feel better. So I’ve decided that mostly full disclosure is the way to go.

Nails

Over the past week or so I’ve painted my nails 3 times lol A few of my November magazines came and had some great looks. So I’m going to share them with you.

This one is China Glaze VIII with Finger Paints Key To My Art on the tips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is just 3 colours I already had in my collection. I think the yellow and blue are L’Oreal and the pink is Finger Paints, and then everything covered by a black crackle. Lots of brands make their own version of the crackle, but I used Nicole by OPI. I have a whole 80’s inspired look in mind for the next time I do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the one I’m currently rocking (excuse the little messes on the sides. I literally just painted them and I’m waiting for them to dry). It’s from Essie’s Purse Collection and it’s called Power Clutch. It’s a muddy, greenish/grey colour.