Free: Fat Filters

Do you find that when you’re overweight, people either tend to avoid the subject altogether or make inappropriate comments thinly disguised as jokes? Or just plain ignorance? Yeah, me too.

Let me tell you about going to the bar with my girlfriends. I love my girlfriends. Life would really suck without them. But some of them are batshit crazy. I’ve been out and seen my girlfriends get into physical fights with other girls, with bouncers, with men, with each other. I’ve seen them flip tables before The Real Housewives of New Jersey made it cool. I’ve even seen one of my gf’s dragged outside by 3 bouncers where she was then thrown into a police car and called me the next morning when they let her out of the drunk tank. I’m the one who is grabbing our coats while they get kicked out. I’m the one pulling them apart. I’m the one convincing the cops to let me take them home instead of having them arrested. I’m the one telling them to stop their fucking beaking and to get the fuck in the cab already! So why would they ever think I’d be one to resort to hitting someone?!

Me: You’re want to go drinking tonight?
Friend: Yah, let’s go to the bar. That bitch who’s been talking shit about me is probably going to be there tonight.
Me: Oh yeah? That’s not good, maybe we should go somewhere else.
Friend: Oh I’m not worried. I’ve got you with me and she’ll be scared. You’ll take care of me and knock her out.
Me: *Blank stare*

And that’s your average conversation about how intimidating they apparently think I am. Sure, in addition to my weight, I’m also 6 feet tall, but I do not want to be perceived as being someone other people are afraid of. I just don’t understand why this isn’t clear to all of them. I make friends with girls in the bathroom. I say ‘excuse me’ when I walk through a crowd. I’m nice to the men who hit on me. I’ve never voiced my feelings on this to them, so clearly the ones who’ve said this don’t know it hurts my feelings. But should I really have to tell them? I don’t go around saying “I feel really smart when I spend time with you” orΒ “Don’t worry, he’ll know I’m not a slut after he’s met you.”
Or how about this…a friend of mine used to date this giant douche canoe. His nicknames for my cousin and myself were ‘Big’ and ‘Bigger’. When my friend was pregnant, he made a comment for no reason at all that if I went to visit when the baby was born, I’d probably eat it. He never said any of this to my face. So the reason I know he said these things? She told me. Why would I ever need to know or want to know things like that? I knew he was an asshole already without adding fuel to the fire. And there seemed to be no real reason for telling me this. She also told me a conversation she had with her current boyfriend where he called me fat. I don’t think he did it in a malicious way like the ex, he was just commenting because it was an observation in the conversation they were having at the time. Whatever. But I don’t need to know. I already know what I look like, thankyouverymuch. And it’s pretty fantastic, even with the extra weight πŸ˜‰
And how about the people who say things like “I’m so small next to you” or some other variation? What the shit, right?!

What have people said to you? Do they also say inappropriate things as they notice you losing weight?

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12 thoughts on “Free: Fat Filters

  1. ummm wtf!
    also remember the coworker who asked me if i was pregnant….when i got pissy and said no im jsut fat she insisted that i must be pregnant and just dont know it.. now that i get to sit beside her, i thought things were cool, until I eat a healthy lunch one day and she makes a weight loss comment and another time she suggests that i “sure like to eat”
    I havent spoken to her in 4 mths now. i still sit next to her.

  2. This crap happens to me all the time, and it pisses me the f off. Why on earth would people want to be so mean!? I was called “big ‘un” by a co-worker when I first started. That same guy also told me I was too big to be standing in the aisle. He and his brother are hispanic, and another co-worker overhead them refer to me as Gordo (which means fat). I was mad at the brothers, yes…but I was angry at my co-worker for telling me. I was hurt. It was unnecessary! I just tell myself that I’m doing something about it…but they’ll always be jerks.

    Also, I’m officially adding Douche Canoe into my repertoire.

    • Douch Canoe is my gift to you lol

      I think guys have it even worse because so many people think men aren’t supposed to be sensitive and can take whatever is dished out. I’ve never known an overweight man who isn’t constantly referred to as “big guy” by friends and strangers alike.

  3. I had a woman ask me when I was due about a year and a half ago (and that was after I had lost some weight). It was mortifying and the woman was stupid, but at least it wasn’t malicious.

    I read this book one time about grieving and loss and it talked about how other people deal with you when you’re in a funk or depressed or whatever (I’m not saying we’re grieving or depressed…just keep reading). πŸ™‚ Anyway, it likened going through something really hard as going to a foreign country that most people have never been to. So, when people don’t know how to relate to us, the author said that those people just don’t have that stamp in their passport yet. Your friends don’t know what it’s like to be overweight and so they might not always know the best way to handle you or the right things to say. It’s no excuse for really bad behavior, but I remember that every time I get my feelings hurt by someone I know loves me. They just don’t understand and it’s okay.

  4. I know how you feel and can relate to everything in your post – its hurtful and its something we will always carry with us.

    There is another side of this I’ve noticed. Once I got closer to an “average” size and continued making new friends and acquaintances, some of those people never knew I was so much bigger or the journey I went through. I’ve heard the fat jokes and mean “under the breath” comments from the other side! There is never a need for that and I felt those comments could have and would have been directed at me in the not so distance past, I always say something in defence. For all the fat and formerly fat girls out there! And chances I will associate with anyone who makes comments like that again, slim – no, NONE.

    Recently, I was on the beach with a couple of good friends. They do actually know where I’ve come from so it made it even worse. There was a gorgeous “bigger” woman on the rocks having a photoshoot. Top off. Now, I knew it was a pregnancy photoshoot. He was clueless. He was like “ew why” and “can we move, the view is not so great from here hahahahaha (he laughed and shook his head in disgust)”. I was like why (very annoyed)? You know its a pregnancy photoshoot right (dumbass)? He was like “Ohhhh, no way”. My BF commented “ya man, ur making fat jokes about this? Even if it was not, whats the big deal?” Needless to say he felt like an asshole. Good.

  5. Oh Amy, I loved this post and all of the comments that followed. As you know, I had weight-loss surgery and have lost about 120lbs in the last 10 months. Here are some of my favourite comments that I still receive to this day:

    “Wow, you must have lost like 200lbs! Keep it up! Soon you’ll be looking great!” SOON – fucking SOON. I lost over 100lbs and you’re telling me I didn’t look great at 300lbs and now I don’t look great at 180? Go fuck yourself.

    “You’re almost as skinny as me!” Really, Barbie? REALLY?! Well congratu-fucking-lations to me.

    “You look so good now! You’re so beautiful! I can’t believe how different you look!” Meaning: you looked like a bag of ass before. Thank God you lost weight and became not painful to behold.

    And my personal favourite:

    “I actually want to fuck you now!” Thanks a bunch, Malibu Ken, but I’ll abstain from your hepatitis-dong. If I wasn’t hot enough for you THEN, I’m not hot enough for you NOW.

    Thanks for sharing, everyone.

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