I feel how Tommy Wiseau looks today. Here’s how my day and night went yesterday….
I spent the afternoon playing dart tag with my best friend’s kids. She’s got a 13 year old girl and a 7 year old boy who call me Auntie Amy, which I love. We also had slurpees (small rootbeer) and watched Hoodwinked Too. It’s a good thing the 7 year old was wearing goggles because I shot that little sucker right in the eye!
I came home for a couple hours to have a bath and get ready for the evening. This is me, showing off my new necklace. I think it really brings out my eyes.
Then I went back to my bff’s place to get the drinking started. I road the rye train all the way to The Pump. Choo choo! I even picked up a couple passengers along the way. My friend Krystin showed up with a couple of her work friends. And her friend Robin was very excited to meet me because of how Krystin had talked about me. If you don’t know me, then you don’t know that hardly anyone calls me Amy. It’s usually Ames, AC Campbell, AC Slater, AC, Campbell, Soup, Soup Face, Amy Campbell Soup Face, A Cam, just to name a fe, but most of the time, Amy Campbell. Or in this case, Amy Fucking Campbell. Robin asked “Why do you always call her Amy Campbell?” Krystin responded “Because she’s Amy Fucking Campbell!” I felt a lot of pressure to be awesome, but then I realized I’m naturally awesome so no need to worry myself 😉
So we arrive at The Pump and Krystin and Robin had been there earlier in the evening and had talked to a bouncer and were able to get us in past the line and for free which was super sweet! Right away some guy they knew bought us all shots and things get a little fuzzy from there. I decided not to partake in the $1 draft and double fisted light beer instead. Clearly the better option. Makes absolute financial and dietary sense. I remember the basement smelled like vomit, I think Robin did some karaoke, I did not remember to keep drinking water, I did not get a taco in a bag on my way out (which I usually do because they’re so damn delicious!), I waited outside for a couple of friends to come pick me up, and a hot guy hit on my while I was waiting and wanted to give me his number and call him, but I told him I didn’t want it because the likelihood of me calling him was slim to none, but he could have my number. He’s texting me as I write this.
On to phase 3 of my night out! My married friends Chris and Angela came to pick me up so and we went to Dancers (strip club). But not before stopping for a case of beer first. They debated on who should stay sober and Ang decided she would so Chris and I split a case. Again, light beer lol Now, the reason we picked up a case is because in Saskatchewan, you are not allowed to have alcohol and naked ladies in the same room. Which I feel is just stupid. But whatever. We work around it. We had a couple beer in the car (I obviously needed to drink more at this point), and then went inside. It was dead. Not like it’s usually a party inside, but there’s generally 2 or 3 girls working and a few men sitting around. There was just one girl working for reasons I don’t quite remember and we were the only people there. So we visited with the manager and Angel (dancer) for a bit and then went out for another beer and then back in. We did this for a little while and then decided we were hungry. Denny’s! I didn’t even try to get something healthy. I went for the country fried steak and hashbrowns. It’s so freaking delicious. But only after the bar. I tried it sober once. I don’t recommend it. After we ate, we went back to Dancers. Some little punk kids showed up who looked about 18. I wanted to smack them. They were so disrespectful and trying so hard to impress each other when I’m pretty sure they’d never even seen a naked woman before. They were too chicken-shit to get up on the stage so I did it first. You know, to encourage them to spend their money lol It consists of laying on the stage with a $5 bill in your mouth which the dancer takes from you and then does a little dance over top of you and tittie-smacks your face. I giggle during it every time. Except the time the girl smelled like teriyaki. That was no laughing matter.
During one of our trips outside to the car for beer, this happened:
God, I am soo sexy.
And now you’ve gotten to know me just a little bit better. You’re welcome.