Free: Fat Filters

Do you find that when you’re overweight, people either tend to avoid the subject altogether or make inappropriate comments thinly disguised as jokes? Or just plain ignorance? Yeah, me too.

Let me tell you about going to the bar with my girlfriends. I love my girlfriends. Life would really suck without them. But some of them are batshit crazy. I’ve been out and seen my girlfriends get into physical fights with other girls, with bouncers, with men, with each other. I’ve seen them flip tables before The Real Housewives of New Jersey made it cool. I’ve even seen one of my gf’s dragged outside by 3 bouncers where she was then thrown into a police car and called me the next morning when they let her out of the drunk tank. I’m the one who is grabbing our coats while they get kicked out. I’m the one pulling them apart. I’m the one convincing the cops to let me take them home instead of having them arrested. I’m the one telling them to stop their fucking beaking and to get the fuck in the cab already! So why would they ever think I’d be one to resort to hitting someone?!

Me: You’re want to go drinking tonight?
Friend: Yah, let’s go to the bar. That bitch who’s been talking shit about me is probably going to be there tonight.
Me: Oh yeah? That’s not good, maybe we should go somewhere else.
Friend: Oh I’m not worried. I’ve got you with me and she’ll be scared. You’ll take care of me and knock her out.
Me: *Blank stare*

And that’s your average conversation about how intimidating they apparently think I am. Sure, in addition to my weight, I’m also 6 feet tall, but I do not want to be perceived as being someone other people are afraid of. I just don’t understand why this isn’t clear to all of them. I make friends with girls in the bathroom. I say ‘excuse me’ when I walk through a crowd. I’m nice to the men who hit on me. I’ve never voiced my feelings on this to them, so clearly the ones who’ve said this don’t know it hurts my feelings. But should I really have to tell them? I don’t go around saying “I feel really smart when I spend time with you” or¬†“Don’t worry, he’ll know I’m not a slut after he’s met you.”
Or how about this…a friend of mine used to date this giant douche canoe. His nicknames for my cousin and myself were ‘Big’ and ‘Bigger’. When my friend was pregnant, he made a comment for no reason at all that if I went to visit when the baby was born, I’d probably eat it. He never said any of this to my face. So the reason I know he said these things? She told me. Why would I ever need to know or want to know things like that? I knew he was an asshole already without adding fuel to the fire. And there seemed to be no real reason for telling me this. She also told me a conversation she had with her current boyfriend where he called me fat. I don’t think he did it in a malicious way like the ex, he was just commenting because it was an observation in the conversation they were having at the time. Whatever. But I don’t need to know. I already know what I look like, thankyouverymuch. And it’s pretty fantastic, even with the extra weight ūüėČ
And how about the people who say things like “I’m so small next to you” or some other variation? What the shit, right?!

What have people said to you? Do they also say inappropriate things as they notice you losing weight?

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A Fairytale For Me

I think it’s time to tell you why I chose the title for my blog. I read a few articles and some¬†new blogs today with people (women in particular), writing about how they want to be skinny and hoping to create the perfect body. So I want to be clear about what my end goal is. I went through a few name¬†options, but nothing really seemed to fit what I’m looking for and what I want to accomplish. And then it hit me! Bam! Foul ball to the head! Just kidding. I’ve only ever been hit with a baseball once and it was more of a catch¬†since it landed¬†right between my thighs. It was a line drive and I tensed up. That, coupled with my oversized thighs, made for an interesting catching mitt.¬†Turns out it’s a great way to get that third out that your team really needs. I was brusied for weeks. Aaanyways, back to my blog title.

Fairytales. Princes, dragons, witches, frogs, magic, love, bravery, honour, ugly fat women, mean fat women, jolly fat women, and of course, beautiful (and skinny) princesses. When you’re an overweight little girl, who exactly in the story are you supposed to identify with? There’s the one you look like, and then the one you want to look like. And neither really represent who you actually are. As an adult, I know I don’t have to identify with any of them. I can create my own fairytale. And that’s what I’m doing with this blog. The tagline “Once upon a skinny time” doesn’t mean I want to be skinny. It means I want to be skinny for me. I want a body that I’m totally comfortable in. I’m not going to put unrealistic expectations on myself and think that I’m going to look like¬†Gisele after this is all said and done. I just want the best body for me, a body that is strong and healthy, but still¬†belongs to a¬†woman. I’m always going to be hungry. I’m always going to have that little voice inside my head encouraging me to eat that bag of chips or have a second hamburger or devour a tub of dip. It’s always going to be there, but it’s not always going to be loud. It’s already getting softer. And I’m getting stronger.

So that’s my fairytale. And I’m going to get it.

Fat Boy MacGyver

My friend Angela sent me this story about Fat Boy. And since I can’t create a link while I’m using my work computer for some reason, I’ll just cut and paste…

http://www.leaderpost.com/life/This+Moose+where/5320102/story.html

It’s never too late to start to get healthy. And I think it’s a great little story about how important it is to have support along the way and have people watching out for you and keeping you focused on what’s important. Even if we don’t always want them too lol And who among us hasn’t been a little MacGyver ourselves in coming up with creative ways to eat something we shouldn’t and then justify it? Yep, I’m looking at you ūüėČ

Is It Because Of The Tropical Storm?

Let me explain my job a little. I work for Saskpower. It’s the power company in Saskatchewan. I work out of the outage centre, and in the simplest terms, I take calls regarding power outages and dispatch someone out to fix it. I don’t hate it, but I also don’t want to make it my career. I want something more gratifying and am slowly working towards it, but for the time being, I’m comfortable. One of the best and worst aspects of my job is the shiftwork. I work a combination of 8 and 12 hour shifts on a 12 week rotation. A positive to this is that I often have days off during the week which is great for shopping and appointments. And every 12 weeks, I get almost a full 7 days off. The cons? I’m at work for 12 hours at a time, and often have to miss out on the things my friends are doing at regular times of day. And then there’s the overtime. On the one hand, the money is great. On the other hand, it means I make the choice to give up my personal time to work more. And in the case of last night and the night before, I got up at 215am to be at work for 3am and work 12 hours. My sleep really suffers. And it’s harder to organize my meals when I do a shift like this. I’m scattered and rarely eat at the same time every day. (I’m thankful Walter doesn’t gorge himself and that I can just leave food out for him to eat when he’s hungry or else the poor little guy would be subjected to eating on my schedule too)

Anyways, the reason I got away from the real reason I’m posting right now. It has nothing to do with my job per se, but it’s better if you know what I do. We are having a giant planned power outage today with thousands of customers being off for 12 hours. It’s been well advertised, but of course not everyone pays attention or listens to the radio at the right time or whatever. So the majority of the calls this morning were from customers wanting to know about the outage. I received one call from a woman who was calling on behalf of her mother-in-law who lived in the outage area. If I had to guess, the woman was not from Saskatchewan (people who are from Saskatchewan tend to run the word together and it sounds more like s-skatchwan, whereas¬†outsiders really enunciate each syllable)¬†and probably not even from Canada (at least I hope so, given her lack of knowledge of Canadian geographics). She asked what the reason was for the power outage and I told her it was due to some major repairs and maintenance. Her response? “So it’s not because of the tropical storm then?” Umm…what?

I get a lot of calls from people concerned about what they’re going to do or eat with the power off. It’s summer. We get so few hot days in Sas-katch-ew-an where the weather cooperates, so why not go outside? Use your bbq. Or make a delicious wrap like I did for lunch. Let me tell you about my 331 calorie wrap. I started with a garlic pesto tortilla, spread a couple tablespoons of hummus on it, added sweet baby lettuce, grilled red and yellow peppers (Europe’s Best has them in the frozen vegetable freezer section. Convenience!), 3 slices of turkey, 5 slices grape tomatoes, and put it in my mouth straight away. mmmmm I’d better stock up on ingredients and a cooler because once that tropical, landlocked prairie storm hits, I’ll be out of power.

A Heartfelt Reminder

It’s 4pm and I have to go to bed now since I had to work at 3am this morning. But before I do, I wanted to share this:

http://iwanttobethebiggestloser.wordpress.com/2011/08/27/a-dose-of-reality/

Great blog to read. This recent post really made me think about the most important reason for losing weight: my health. It’s not to look good, or fit an image in your head, or make other people look at you differently. It’s health first. I have plans to travel and have a family (someday) and live my life to the fullest. And I don’t want my size holding me back. Being overweight messes with your body in so many ways…arthritis, cariovascular disease, fertility issues, risky pregnancies, diabetes. Who the fuck wants those? Could you imagine a world without Amy Campbell?

Tina Fey’s Insight

I recently read Tina Fey’s memoir, “Bossypants”. It made me laugh. A lot. I want to share a quote from the book regarding female body image.

“But I think the first real change in women‚Äôs body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom‚ÄĒBeyonc√© brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I‚Äôm totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”
‚ÄĒ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Tina Fey¬†¬†¬† ¬† (Bossypants)

Right?!

Weigh Day!

I knew I’d be going out drinking¬†last night and I almost moved my weigh day to account for it, but I stuck with it. And I’m glad that I did. Even with the drinking and the Denny’s and the bloating and water weight from this week, I still lost 1.5 pounds. It’s not the 5 pounds from last week or the week before, but I’ll take it! I also lost 1.5 inches off my hips. I’m feeling good! Minus the hangover. Come to me, water.

Oh Hi, Hangover

I feel how Tommy Wiseau looks today. Here’s how my day and night went yesterday….

I spent the afternoon playing dart tag with¬†my best friend’s kids. She’s got a¬†13 year old girl¬†and a 7 year old boy who call me Auntie Amy, which I love.¬†We also had¬†slurpees (small rootbeer)¬†and watched Hoodwinked Too. It’s a good thing the 7 year old was wearing goggles because I shot that little sucker right in the eye!

I came home for a couple hours to have a bath and get ready for the evening. This is me, showing off my new necklace. I think it really brings out my eyes.

Then¬†I went back to my bff’s place¬†to get the drinking started. I road the rye train all the way to The Pump. Choo choo!¬†I even picked up a couple passengers¬†along the way. My friend Krystin showed up with a couple of her work friends. And her friend Robin was very excited to meet me because of¬†how Krystin had talked about me.¬†If you don’t know me, then you don’t know that hardly anyone calls me Amy. ¬†It’s usually Ames, AC Campbell, AC Slater, AC, Campbell, Soup, Soup Face, Amy Campbell Soup Face, A Cam, just to name a fe, but most of the time, Amy Campbell. Or in this case, Amy Fucking Campbell. Robin asked “Why do you always call her Amy Campbell?” Krystin responded “Because she’s Amy Fucking Campbell!” I felt a lot of pressure to be awesome, but then I realized I’m naturally awesome so no need to worry myself ūüėČ

So we arrive at The Pump and Krystin and Robin had been there earlier in the evening and had talked to a bouncer and were able to get us in past the line and for free which was super sweet! Right away some guy they knew bought us all shots and things get a little fuzzy from there. I decided not to partake in the $1 draft and double fisted light beer instead. Clearly the better option. Makes absolute financial and dietary sense. I remember the basement smelled like vomit, I think Robin did some karaoke, I did not remember to keep drinking water, I did not get a taco in a bag on my way out (which I usually do because they’re so damn delicious!), I waited outside for a couple of friends to come pick me up, and a hot guy hit on my while I was waiting and wanted to give me his number and call him, but I told him I didn’t want it because the likelihood of me calling him was slim to none, but he could have my number. He’s texting me as I write this.

On to phase 3 of my night out! My married friends Chris and Angela came to pick me up so and we went to Dancers (strip club). But not before stopping for a case of beer first. They debated on who should stay sober and Ang decided she would so Chris and I split a case. Again, light beer lol Now, the reason we picked up a case is because in Saskatchewan, you are not allowed to have alcohol and naked ladies in the same room. Which I feel is just stupid.¬†But whatever. We work around it. We had a couple beer in the car (I obviously needed to drink more at this point), and then went inside. It was dead.¬†Not like it’s usually a party inside, but there’s¬†generally 2 or¬†3 girls working and a few men sitting around. There was just one girl working for reasons I don’t quite remember and we were the only people there. So we visited with the manager and Angel (dancer)¬†for a bit and then went out for another beer and then back in. We did this for a little while and then decided we were hungry. Denny’s! I didn’t even try to get something healthy. I went for the country fried steak and hashbrowns. It’s so freaking delicious. But only after the bar. I tried it sober once. I don’t recommend it. After we ate, we went back to Dancers. Some little punk kids showed up who looked about 18. I wanted to smack them. They were so disrespectful and trying so hard to impress each other when I’m pretty sure they’d never even seen a naked woman before. They were too chicken-shit to get up on the stage so I did it first. You know, to encourage them to spend their money lol It consists of laying on the stage with a $5 bill in your mouth which the dancer takes from you and then does a little dance over top of you and tittie-smacks your face. I giggle during it every time. Except the time the girl smelled like teriyaki. That was no laughing matter.

During one of our trips outside to the car for beer, this happened:

God, I am soo sexy.

And now you’ve gotten to know me just a little bit better. You’re welcome.

 

 

Things I Learned From My Dog

1. Anytime is a good time to go for a walk.

2. No matter how long my day was, how terrible it was, how badly I feel about myself, what I look like, what mistakes I make, there is always a wagging tail and a wet kiss ready and waiting to make my life better.

3. Just because there is food around, I don’t have to eat it if I’m not hungry.

4. When we go to the park, Walter doesn’t jump in the river for a swim. However, he has often fallen in trying to have a drink. But he has never willingly jumped in for a swim. Yesterday was very hot and as soon as we got to the edge of the water, he climbed down the bank and went for a swim. He didn’t HAVE to jump in. He could have had a drink and laid in the shade or waited until we got back to the car for some air conditioning. Jumping into the water wasn’t the only way, but it was the best and fastest way. I’ll be going back to the gym soon.