Do you find that when you’re overweight, people either tend to avoid the subject altogether or make inappropriate comments thinly disguised as jokes? Or just plain ignorance? Yeah, me too.
Let me tell you about going to the bar with my girlfriends. I love my girlfriends. Life would really suck without them. But some of them are batshit crazy. I’ve been out and seen my girlfriends get into physical fights with other girls, with bouncers, with men, with each other. I’ve seen them flip tables before The Real Housewives of New Jersey made it cool. I’ve even seen one of my gf’s dragged outside by 3 bouncers where she was then thrown into a police car and called me the next morning when they let her out of the drunk tank. I’m the one who is grabbing our coats while they get kicked out. I’m the one pulling them apart. I’m the one convincing the cops to let me take them home instead of having them arrested. I’m the one telling them to stop their fucking beaking and to get the fuck in the cab already! So why would they ever think I’d be one to resort to hitting someone?!
Me: You’re want to go drinking tonight?
Friend: Yah, let’s go to the bar. That bitch who’s been talking shit about me is probably going to be there tonight.
Me: Oh yeah? That’s not good, maybe we should go somewhere else.
Friend: Oh I’m not worried. I’ve got you with me and she’ll be scared. You’ll take care of me and knock her out.
Me: *Blank stare*
And that’s your average conversation about how intimidating they apparently think I am. Sure, in addition to my weight, I’m also 6 feet tall, but I do not want to be perceived as being someone other people are afraid of. I just don’t understand why this isn’t clear to all of them. I make friends with girls in the bathroom. I say ‘excuse me’ when I walk through a crowd. I’m nice to the men who hit on me. I’ve never voiced my feelings on this to them, so clearly the ones who’ve said this don’t know it hurts my feelings. But should I really have to tell them? I don’t go around saying “I feel really smart when I spend time with you” or “Don’t worry, he’ll know I’m not a slut after he’s met you.”
Or how about this…a friend of mine used to date this giant douche canoe. His nicknames for my cousin and myself were ‘Big’ and ‘Bigger’. When my friend was pregnant, he made a comment for no reason at all that if I went to visit when the baby was born, I’d probably eat it. He never said any of this to my face. So the reason I know he said these things? She told me. Why would I ever need to know or want to know things like that? I knew he was an asshole already without adding fuel to the fire. And there seemed to be no real reason for telling me this. She also told me a conversation she had with her current boyfriend where he called me fat. I don’t think he did it in a malicious way like the ex, he was just commenting because it was an observation in the conversation they were having at the time. Whatever. But I don’t need to know. I already know what I look like, thankyouverymuch. And it’s pretty fantastic, even with the extra weight 😉
And how about the people who say things like “I’m so small next to you” or some other variation? What the shit, right?!
What have people said to you? Do they also say inappropriate things as they notice you losing weight?